'I'm a lesbian and I'm dating a man but there's a huge problem'

04 September 2023 , 16:06

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He’s a naturally flirty and charming guy, which I just found pretty sweet at first but, over time, I started to get, well, much more into him than I ever thought I could (Image: Getty Images)

Dear Coleen

I’m a mid-20s lesbian with a relatively large following on YouTube, TikTok and ­Instagram. Most of my content is centred around sexuality and being gay, so it’s safe to say it plays a pretty big role in my life.

A while ago at a gathering, I met a guy who does some work as a video editor. He knew who I was and thought my content was cool, and offered to help me out with some projects, which I happily agreed to as we seemed to get on well.

We exchanged contact info, started talking frequently over the coming weeks and quickly became friends.. He seemed to share my feelings and, eventually, after meeting up at his place to work on some stuff, we ended up sleeping together.

Now I’m not sure what to do. He’s a wonderful guy and we’re into each other, but being a lesbian is not only a huge part of who I am, but also of my job. How would potentially entering into a relationship with a man affect all of that?

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Coleen says

Well, if you want to be authentic, maybe it’s actually a great topic for you to have on your social media. Why not own it? You don’t have to go into details of who the guy is, but you could say you want to share something that might blow their minds or feel confusing or start a debate.

Explain you met a man you find really attractive and haven’t been in this situation before, and ask your followers if they have ever experienced something similar. I suppose if you don’t own it and get into a relationship with him and people find out, then you’re not in control of the narrative and your followers might accuse you of not being the person they thought you were.

It only takes one unpleasant person who’s jealous of your popularity to bring you down and ignite the trolls. I understand you’re worried about your “brand”, but you might find some of your ­audience have struggled with various dilemmas around their sexuality and, while you might lose some of them, you might gain some new ones. People appreciate honesty.

As for you personally, it’s OK to change and discover yourself. Maybe you’re bisexual, but have never felt it because you’ve never met a guy who sparked those feelings. No one can tell us who we should fall in love with and you should be able to do what feels right for you without living in fear of being judged by other people.

I have two male friends who are in a relationship. One of them had been straight his whole life until he met my other friend, who was openly gay. They’ve now been together for more than 20 years.

Coleen Nolan