My food bank diary - solo mum pushed back into poverty by cost of living crisis
One mum-of-five has shared, in her own words, what it's like to rely on a food bank to get through the day, and feed her kids and herself.
Deborah, not her real name, is a full time carer for one of her five kids, and adores them all. But the mum regularly battles with impossible decisions, she often has to choose between food or heating, or fuel in the car against a regular meal for the week.
It wasn't always this way, and the mum had managed to get away from the need for food banks. But this summer, with the cost of living crisis biting hard, and her kids home from school, she's been forced to rely on them once more, with no option if she wanted to feed her children.
Now, food banks are commonplace on British high streets and reliance on them has rocketed in Tory Britain, from 60,000 food packages being handed out in 2010, to reportedly over two million last year.
Writing for the Mirror, Deborah has shared just what it's like, in her own words, from paying bailiffs, to inventing games to keep her kids warm, and just how important the work food banks, like those run by The Trussell Trust, are.
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Nowhere left to turn
How does it happen? How do things go from being manageable to suddenly becoming impossible? How could I go from living a normal life to suddenly not being able to afford food and warmth for my children and I? Who knew I would think of fairy liquid or soap as a luxury? Who knew I would feel actual pain from being so hungry yet knowing my portion was an extra meal for my children? How could I choose between getting fuel to take the children to school or buying food?
So many questions, yet that is what I would ask myself on the nights I was sat there alone, kids in bed, no television on as I needed to conserve energy to make it last as long as I possibly could , worrying about what the next day would bring.
As a single mum to five children, one of whom I am a full time carer too, life has always been about being careful with money but suddenly there was literally no money left to be careful with. I have never felt fear like this of not having food in the cupboards or sitting with candles as the electric had cut off due to having no money on the meter. My children are my whole world and I felt I was failing as a mother and even though I was doing everything in my power to survive, it just wasn't enough. I was so embarrassed and felt ashamed that I couldn't afford the most basic of things that I used to take for granted.
Cue the day I was sat outside Tesco crying, using the WiFi as mine had been cut off as I couldn't afford it. I googled "what do I do if I can't afford to buy food" I came across the Trussell Trust website and started reading. My heart started speeding up and I felt a flicker of hope. There might be a way to get help! I saw a mobile number that I could use WhatsApp to contact as I had no money for credit. That is when I came into contact with an angel. Its the only word to describe what this lady is to me. Margaret, a food bank worker, immediately offered me words of comfort and asked me what we needed. She arranged a delivery from the food bank for that week as I had hardly any fuel left then. I didn't feel so alone already and was counting the hours down until my delivery! She was so understanding and kind that I ended up telling her everything we had been going through. She took the time to listen, really listen and just spoke to me like I mattered. From that day things did get better.
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A mum first, even when it feels impossible
So now you know a bit about what I have been going through, let me tell you a bit about myself. I am lucky enough to be a mum to five beautiful children. One of them has special needs and I am their full time carer, which makes it impossible to work.
I've always put my children's needs above my own, and have done my best by them, but lockdown and then the rising cost of living had such a negative impact on our everyday lives. Moving onto Universal Credit and seeing a massive drop in my income hurt us all and everything just became so hard.
Each trip to the supermarket I seemed to be leaving with less, and everyday items were becoming harder to afford. For a long time it felt like every time I came home the cupboards stopped ever being full, the fridge sat there half empty, and I worried every day and night over how I would feed the people I love most in the world.
You see the news and you hear about all the different things in the world that are making things more expensive, making life more difficult, and it’s easy to forget that on every street, right here, there are people who can’t afford the essentials.
Thankfully Universal Credit went up with inflation, but it came long after prices started to go up so I was still worse off. Universal Credit should cover the essential expenses people have otherwise it drives us into more debt and worry.
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Hope in the dark
Back when I first had to use a food bank, I was sent a voucher from Citizens Advice and a delivery was set up as I didn't have enough fuel to get there and back. I had a phone call with them where they asked if we had any allergies and whether there were any items we needed besides food, such as toiletries.
It was such a relief when that knock on the door came! In my emergency food parcel I had tinned food such as tuna, tins of soup, pasta sauce, fresh veg, fruit and potatoes. We also received pasta, biscuits, cereal, and milk. There was teabags, heavenly coffee, sugar and rice. I also was given a ten pounds meat voucher to spend at the butchers.
It was the biggest help and I can't express my gratitude to organisations such as food banks, but especially to my local food bank. I know that in tough times when things are so bad that I can't feed my family I can turn to them for help.
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Slumber parties to save on the heating bill
I have tried to find ways to keep our challenges away from the children, because they’re too young to need to know about the harshness of the world. For example, I have held "slumber parties" for them where we would get all the blankets we owned and pile in my bed telling stories. This would help to keep us warm when I couldn't afford to have the heating on because I’d have to use the oven to cook for us.
Thankfully the kids thought it was just a fun thing we did, when in reality I was making the most of all our body heat to keep us warm! We told stories, jokes, played i-spy, and just talked about anything and everything to keep them entertained. I made "chef specials" for these parties, which was me basically making meals with what I had and making it stretch as far as I could.
I've made every vegetable soup there is as meat is so expensive and when I do get meat it's always used in soups or stews simply because you can stretch it further. I add lentils and other pulses to bulk it up to make sure everyone has enough to keep their energy up.
I always include the kids when cooking these meals as it's not a case of making them something else if they don't like it, I NEED them to eat it as that's all there is. Families should be making memories, but families shouldn’t have to be choosing between heating and eating.
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More than just food
Our local food bank has been a massive boost to our life. The volunteers that work there are not just doing their job, they really do care. I'm still in touch with the manager to this day. She checks in on us and just touches base every now and then which means so much to me.
The food bank not only gave us food parcels but also applied for energy grants for me that took a massive strain off and made such a difference to our lives! When I read about food banks, I was amazed to hear that they helped you by giving you food but more than that, they also give you friendship. They give you a sympathetic ear when you have no one else to turn to. I'll never forget what that food bank did for me.
I use charity shops and car boots for shoes and clothing as there is just no way I can afford shop prices. You can find some brilliant bargains there and I donate all that my children grow out of to help others.
Thanks to the food bank I have a slow cooker as they were giving microwaves and slow cookers to those who needed them and the manager put my name forward. I use the slow cooker to cook most meals as it uses less energy than an oven, and have found some delicious slow cooker recipes. I also found my children were fuller for longer with soups and stews and could save some for the next day which would save money.
Although having the food banks support, and the warmer weather has helped me to get by, I do still struggle. As I couldn't afford to pay my bills and I have had to set up payment plans. I found out that one of my debts had been passed over to bailiffs, which was very scary, and I am now having to pay them back a set amount each month.
My car had an issue that needed repairing urgently which took really valuable money out of my Universal Credit. However, living rurally leaves me no choice but to have a car so it was a must. Life has a way of throwing spanners in the works just when you think you’re doing okay!
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The cost of living crisis
With the difficulties and extra expenses that the summer holidays bring, along with having to make sure my car got fixed, I have had to go back to the food bank this summer.
My Universal Credit has never covered the expenses that I have and it’s even worse when something unexpected comes up. Some people can save a little, even in tough times, for emergencies but when you have to spend more each month just to survive than you get into the household it’s impossible to save.
It’s such a horrible feeling living with barely enough money each month and hoping there are no unexpected expenses. I know the food bank is always there for me, but I would love to live in a situation where they weren’t needed, not just for me but for everyone.
I know how it feels to stand in a doorway and look at your children playing and just hoping they don’t have to go through what I am going through one day. They’re so bright and beautiful and everyone says that they’re polite and lovely children and it makes me so proud.
When things feel tough, I think about the love in our home, and I think about the love and support the people at our food bank have given to us. Even when icicles are hanging from the window frames, knowing they’re there for us warms my heart.
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You're never alone
If you’re struggling, or know someone who is, please remember you’re not alone. For so long I went without thinking that if I couldn't afford it that was it, nothing I could do. But there are people out there who will help you, who genuinely care about others and will make sure you have help. Although times are still hard, I am in a much better place than what I was previously thanks to the food bank and the kind people that work there.
My hope for the future is to be in a situation where we can live comfortably. To not have to worry about how long the money is going to last. To be able to give the children little treats that they deserve. To have the heating on in winter and still be able to buy food!
One day I would love to give back to the food bank in some way, and to help others the way I have been helped. To be a friend to someone who has no one to turn to and show them that they are not alone.
There are around 1,300 food banks in the Trussell Trust network across the UK, and last year these food banks distributed around three million emergency food parcels.
Food banks in the Trussell Trust network welcome and support everyone who is referred to them, always acting with respect and without judgment. Volunteers will give a minimum of three days’ emergency food and offer support to resolve some of the difficulties you might be facing. If you need to find your local food bank: https://www.trusselltrust.org/find-a-foodbank
If you don’t need to use your local food bank, but want to support your community, then visit your local food banks website to find out what they most need donating at the moment.
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