'I'm using dead husband's sperm to have baby, I wonder if it's selfish'
When husband and wife, Isobel and Luke Barnes, knew their time together was almost up, they made plans to continue their dreams of a family - using Luke's frozen sperm.
The couple had always hoped to have children one day, and Isobel couldn't think of a more 'precious gift' for her other half to leave behind than a beautiful baby of their own. Luke, who was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy - a heart muscle disease - four years ago, sadly died while waiting for an organ transplant, at the age of 34 in March 2023.
Isobel, 22, has been ticking off his bucket list ever since, and hopes to start the process of IVF soon. "It's so taboo - the conception of a child after death. It's amazing. Such a precious gift," she said.
Luke tragically died earlier this year while waiting for an organ transplant in hospital (Isobel Barnes / SWNS)
Isobel has bought 'baby Barnes' a football shirt already and hopes to start IVF soon (Isobel Barnes / SWNS)Luke, who worked as an IT service desk manager, was put on the list for a heart transplant in March 2022. But his health continued to take a downward spiral, and he was kept in hospital permanently in November, while he waited for a heart. He had a BiVAD (biventricular assist device) administered in December to help blood move through his heart.
On March 17, 2023, he passed away peacefully after suffering a catastrophic haemorrhage and multiple organ failure, due to excess bleeding from a BiVAD failure. Knowing how much Luke loved exploring, Isobel sold their house and went travelling around Australia and Bali for two months to complete Luke's bucket list.
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Now back in Nottingham and living in a new home, Isobel hopes to have a 'baby Barnes' using Luke's frozen sperm. She would like to start the IVF process in the next 12 months, when she feels ready, and has already started buying baby clothes - including matching football shirts for her future child and her late husband.
Isobel has said her future baby will know who their biological dad is (Isobel Barnes / SWNS)
The 22-year-old wants to break the taboo about grief by sharing her story (Isobel Barnes / SWNS)"We always knew he was facing death so we could still continue our family. A lot of people are not that lucky," she said. "I've kitted the wardrobe out with kids' clothes, and I have one with the word daddy on it. I wonder if it's selfish to bring a child into the world without that, but baby Barnes will have a dad. He's just not here anymore, but he'll know about him."
Isobel said "everyone talks about baby Barnes even though he's not here yet". "I can't wait to bring a little Barnes into the world. I've got to listen to my body. I want to start the process of IVF when I'm ready," she added. The young widow said a child will be "such a precious gift", but finds it incredibly hard knowing her baby will never get to meet his biological dad.
Isobel said a baby will be 'such a precious gift' and cannot wait to be a mum (Isobel Barnes / SWNS)
Isobel is now a young widow and has ticked off Luke's travel bucket list (Isobel Barnes / SWNS)"It's heartwrenching to see couples with pregnancy announcements or coming out of hospital with their babies. Knowing my child won't have that. I won't have that," she explained. Since being back in the UK, Isobel has "really struggled" without Luke. "The reality sinks in. I have to recreate my own life. Everything reminds me of him," she said.
Isobel, who works as an emergency medical dispatcher, hopes sharing her story will change the taboo about grief and organ donations. "Of course the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life is make my husband proud," she said. "But through sharing his story on social media, so many people have said they are now donating their blood or planning to donate their organs one day."
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