'My penalty at the Emirates made me realise why I could never play for Arsenal'

17 July 2023 , 08:33

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'My penalty at the Emirates made me realise why I could never play for Arsenal'

Mikel Arteta, Gabriel Martinelli and Josh O'Brien. What do they all have in common?

Well, all three have been guilty of missing from the penalty spot inside the glorious footballing theatre that is the Emirates Stadium. Granted, there was significantly more pressure on both Arteta and Martinelli with their efforts, but the point still stands.

Both of their efforts were also saved by professional goalkeepers, while my spot-kick was hit so high and wide of the goal that a poor steward had to fish out the ball deep from the empty clock end before I could have a chance at rectifying my error.

This particularly painful penalty experience happened to me while I was spending a day in the life of an Arsenal player. All thanks to the people over at fan-engagement platform Socios.com and their Fan Token Cup, I was able to channel my inner Martin Odegaard for the morning and take to the Emirates pitch.

Arriving at the ground at least 45 minutes before the pre-arranged meet time to ensure I didn't fall into Arteta's bad books like former club captain Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, I eventually made my way into the club's swanky press conference room and stared down fellow media professionals that would soon be my opposition.

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Barely five minutes had passed before we really got to feel like senior, Prem-proven players. Striding towards the away dressing room in the Arsenal warm-up gear I had brought from home specifically for this moment, all I was missing was over the top, obnoxiously large headphones to block out the noise and get myself in the zone.

The Arsenal home strip hung up waiting for us to put on

Typically muted celebrations from myself in front of the Clock End

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I could barely believe my eyes when I turned into the dressing room to see a sight that greets the actual Arsenal players on a match-day. The full, 2023/24 home strip carefully hung up and laid out for us to put on before taking to the pitch.

Once I'd carefully picked out a slightly smaller size shirt to try and give off the impression I had the body of a elite-level athlete, I was ready and raring to go. Boots still muddy from a kick-around over the park six months prior, I felt almost guilty for leaving mud in such a crystal clean facility.

While the away dressing room is a tad smaller than you might expect, you won't find so much as a speck of dust. The same goes for the bathroom, where each sink is armed with decadent soap, ideal for a quick half-time hand scrub.

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It was nearly time to head out to the pitch, but not before we were given a team-talk by an Arsenal icon in Ray Parlour. While he had left the Gunners by the time the move to the Emirates was made, the 'Romford Pele' lit up Highbury in his day and knew a thing or two about pulling the strings in midfield.

After the words of wisdom, the time for talking was over and all that was left to do was deliver a Santi Cazorla-esque performance in the middle of the park. Not before we entered via the tunnel, I stopped short of standing at the end and doing the odd stretch, pretending to pretend I couldn't see the pretend television cameras fixed on me as I lead my team out to battle.

Despite seeing it so many times both from the press box and of course on television, nothing can prepare you for just how big the Emirates looks from pitch level. You may be stunned to hear that despite taking in every word he said, my own performance failed to live up to the standard Parlour so often set.

Arsenal's home dressing room was quite the sight

We don't need to scrutinise the 20-minute five-a-side match itself too much, but my team of media professionals were beaten 3-0 by another group of journalists, the fact two of those goals were scored by a colleague here at Mirror Football only added insult to injury.

In just 20 minutes on a shortened vesion of the pitch, I was sweating as if I had been running up and down the entirety of the Emirates trying to keep up with Bukayo Saka. The game passed by in a flash, but the penalty shoot-out that took place after was a delight, given we got to take as many as we possibly could in a quarter of an hour, regardless of whether missed or not.

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That came in handy, given many of mine flashed wide, struck the upright or, on the odd occasion, nearly took the clock off the top of the Clock End. So much of this day put into perspective how difficult football at the highest level really is.

So many of us think we could have done better had it been us that had played that pass, had that shot or taken that penalty. Take it from me - we couldn't have. As I placed the ball down on the spot for my final effort, my mind raced back to Saka's spot-kick against Liverpool back in October.

I can assure you this pass made it to its intended target

Same end, significantly fewer fans but I couldn't even comprehend how it must have felt to place the ball on the same spot with that much riding on the kick that would follow, with that many eyes fixed on your every move. Much like the Arsenal ace, I actually slotted this penalty into the back of the net but did proceed to celebrate like a mad man in full view of no-one.

The adventure wasn't over yet however, with one last treat in store. After trudging back down the tunnel following my dismal display and getting out of my kit, there was the chance to pay the home dressing room a visit. Shirts of some of the biggest names in the Premier League were hung perfectly, with some fans on a tour making sure to take a picture underneath both Saka and Martinelli's.

I felt particularly privileged to be sat in the same room as where Arteta delivered iconic team-talks, such as his light-bulb speech or the time he compared a game to a night out.

There wasn't too much time to spend staring admiringly at the shirts, as we had a freshly cooked breakfast awaiting us in the Diamond Lounge.

It seems unlikely that the current crop of Arsenal stars shake off a poor performance with a delightful sausage and bacon brioche roll, but I thought I'd treat myself one last time before a gruelling pre-season with a view to trying to get some minutes in the first-team next term.

Mikel, you know where I am.

Josh O'Brien