Extraordinary bond between former hostage and man whose brother was murdere
Two extraordinary men whose charitable work with hostages and their families has been recognised in the King’s Birthday Honours have spoken together for the first time of the power of their friendship - formed from hope.
Former Beirut hostage Terry Waite, 84, who is to be knighted, and Phil Bigley - the brother of beheaded Iraq hostage Ken Bigley, 62 - who will receive an OBE, say hope cemented their bond when they first met in 2004.
It had been what saved Sir Terry’s sanity during nearly five years as a hostage in Beirut - four in solitary confinement - after being kidnapped by Hezbollah.
And it was what he offered when he became the only outsider to visit Phil and his then 86-year-old mum Lil in Liverpool when civil engineer Ken Bigley was kidnapped by Islamic extremists in Iraq in 2004.
Remembering the hope fellow Beirut hostage Terry Anderson gave him simply by placing his hand over his when he feared he would die from a bronchial infection, Sir Terry wanted to share the same feeling with Phil and Lil.
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He says: “With Terry Anderson, it was just another human being, being there with me. And I was just there for Phil’s mother.”
Ken Bigley, who was murdered by extremists, pictured running a bar in the 1980s (SWNS)
Ken (left) with his brother Paul when they were children (Liverpool Echo)And Phil, 67, remembers his mum, who died in 2015, aged 97, being “a little more at peace” after meeting the former special envoy to the Archbishop of Canterbury.
He says: “My mum was ill and I will always remember Terry sat quietly with her at the side of her bed. I left them there for about an hour and I know that brought peace to my mum. I shall forever be grateful to Terry for doing that.
“We were flabbergasted and honoured that Terry had taken the time to come to our house. Everyone knew the name Terry Waite.
“We had loads of questions and if anyone could answer them it was Terry. We asked him, ‘what do you think Ken is thinking right now’.
“The two things I remember most were the sense of absolute helplessness and the not knowing what was happening to my brother.
“The not knowing was the worst bit.”
Kidnapped on 16 September 2004 by Islamic extremists, along with his colleagues, U.S. citizens Jack Hensley and Eugene Armstrong in Bagdhad, Ken was the last of the three to be filmed being beheaded on 7 October 2004, despite Herculean efforts to save him.
Sir Terry endured a horrendous hostage ordeal and now works to help others (Humphrey Nemar)Phil says: “The Foreign Office communicated through Merseyside Police several times a day and we got word that Ken had been killed.
“They said a video of his beheading would be released shortly. It was awful. I had to go into the room and tell my mum. It was the worst experience ever.”
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Phil and Sir Terry, who both live in Suffolk, stayed in touch by phone and met up at the former hostage’s house a few months later
“I remember Terry made us fish pie. His signature dish. It was a very special time. It was a time to reflect,” he says.
Earlier in 2004, Sir Terry had launched the Hostage UK charity - now Hostage International - offering open-ended support for hostages and their families and those held in arbitrary detention outside their home country - during captivity and after release.
Phil, a former maths teacher, joined the charity in 2005 and is chairman of trustees.
Sir Terry says: “Phil went through periods of acute agony after Ken’s death. But through his work with Hostage International he has been able to help hundreds of families in similar situations.
Ken's brothers Phil (left) and Stan following reports of his death (Press Association)“Being able to draw on someone who has been through the same experience matters tremendously.”
And both men find that through their identification and by helping others they also help themselves.
“I wanted to turn my own experience around and show that it isn’t all negative,” says Sir Terry.” Phil has done the same.”
While the men cannot release names of people they are helping, Phil has spoken of a family he’s supported where the mother has lost her son.
He says: “A family member said to me, ‘she just loves being with you Phil because you understand’.
“All I was doing was sitting there, having a cup of tea, holding her hand and not saying anything to her.
“I remember asking her what she used to do before, and she said she used to bake a lot. I told her ‘Terry and I really enjoy eating cake, so why don’t you bake us one?’
“So she did and sent it down to us in Suffolk. The next time we spoke to the family they said ‘we don’t know what you did Phil but she’s like a new woman, she’s in the kitchen baking.’
Ken Bigley was working in Iraq when he was taken hostage (PA/ABC News)“That is when you feel that you have triggered something good.”
This was something both Phil and Sir Terry felt when they met.
Phil says: “We probably see each other once or twice a month, and our families have all become friends.
“Terry is also involved in the homeless charity Emmaus and my wife Sandra became a trustee for them at his suggestion.
“We’ve built up a very close friendship because of our circumstances and now through the charity.”
Praising the government and the police for all they did to try and free his brother, Phil’s one big regret is not being able to look his kidnappers in the eye.
He says: “The leader was Al Zarqawi, he was Jordanian, and he was killed in 2006 by the Americans.
Ken with his wife Sombat in 1998 (AFP via Getty Images)
Phil Bigley has been working closely with Sir Terry (Humphrey Nemar)‘I’d like to have asked him, ‘What sort of childhood did you have? What were your formative years like? What happened in your teens or later when you were radicalised? What was it that took you to the point where you did what you did?’”
But, while he cannot change the past, through his work with Hostage International - which also runs training and education programmes - Phil, like Sir Terry, plans to bring hope and understanding to others trying to make sense of desperate situations.
Still overwhelmed by news he and his friend are receiving honours, dad-of-four Phil says: “When I told my kids, who were between 10 and 16 when Ken was killed, about the OBE it brought it all back to them.
“There were lots of hugs and tears. They kept saying ‘Dad we are so proud of you’. I couldn’t stop crying. It makes me feel I must have done something right.”
And Sir Terry, who is still helping families and regularly spoke by email to Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe during her time as a captive in Iran, is particularly pleased that his knighthood means his wife Frances is now a Lady.
The grandad-of-three says: “She went through a very difficult time when I was in captivity.
“It’s nice being able to share this honour with her.
“And it was very nice for Phil and me to be told we were receiving honours at the same time.”
For more information about Hostage International go to
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