'EastEnders might want to prepare for Mick Carter's comeback after soap death'
Danny Dyer appears to have never turned his back on EastEnders, according to columnist Ian Hyland, who writes:
Shortly after EastEnders hardman Mick Carter disappeared off the Kent coast last Christmas, Danny Dyer made an ebullient appearance on The Jonathan Ross Show.
“If it all goes t*ts up, I can go back,” Dyer explained. “I can walk in the Queen Vic smothered in seaweed.”
In which case, the EastEnders make-up department might want to pop down Thanet shoreline and start harvesting those soggy green leaves.
Because if the family drama that has been stinking out Channel 5 at peak time for most of this week is anything to go by, Dyer’s proverbial t*ts could be heading skywards sooner than feared.
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Danny hasn't waved goodbye to EastEnders (SCU)Timing-wise, I guess in this most tumultuous of TV weeks, we should at least give Heat some credit for featuring a storyline in which a married middle-aged man’s world falls apart due to his infatuation with a much younger object of desire. However, given this Australian-based drama has had pretty much every soapy storyline you could possibly imagine thrown at it, even that slice of prescience may have been more down to luck than design.
As for Dyer, it became pretty clear in Tuesday’s opener that, artistically-speaking, he never left Mick Carter behind.
His character, Steve, is basically Mick 2.0. It’s almost as if after tumbling into the sea in Dover, Mick had carried on floating and ended up in Australia in an ill-conceived Home And Away bushfire spin-off. The result has been three nights of fair dinkum bunkum, with only the promise of a massive bushfire in tonight’s final episode to keep any remaining viewers engaged.
The more savvy viewers will of course have picked up on the hints being dropped by Mick/Sam’s wife Sarah.
Tuesday night, Sarah suddenly burst into tears of frustration. Wednesday night, Sarah announced: “It’s just a mess. Everything’s a f***ing mess!” Last night, Sarah declared: “This isn’t salvageable.”
Tonight? Who knows. But having wasted three hours of my life on this guff, I reckon I’ll be taking my cue from another of Sarah’s lines: “I’m gonna have an early night.”
Sorry, Jill
"I will of course vote for her when the inevitable appearance on Strictly Come Dancing comes around." (Sky UK Ltd)November 2022. Jill Scott won I’m A Celebrity and I wrote these words: “She was funny, supportive and kind – and about as unstarry as someone who has achieved sporting greatness can possibly be. Which is why I fully expect Jill to slip back into her pre-jungle life and carry on being an excellent person.”
Since then? Hungry Jill has appeared on TV more times than Jay Blades and Gregg Wallace combined.
Plus, on Wednesday night she was unveiled as the new team captain on Sky’s A League Of Their Own.
I’m not angry, Jill. Just disappointed (in myself).
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NB. Nevertheless I will of course vote for her when the inevitable appearance on Strictly Come Dancing comes around.
Hijack
Ian has become addicted to Apple TV+'s Hijack (Courtesy of Apple)Apple TV+’s insanely-addictive aeroplane drama Hijack poses this question: “What would you do if a plane you were flying on was hijacked?” Well, if it was an easyJet flight I’d probably be too busy saying “Blimey, I can’t believe we actually took off.”
On any other flight, I certainly know what I would NOT do: Whatever Idris Elba’s action-hero character Sam Nelson does. That said, I wasn’t too worried when last week’s cliffhanger suggested Sam was about to be shot by the hijackers.
As well as being by far the most famous name on the cast, Idris is also an executive producer. As if he would allow his character to get whacked before the series had even reached the halfway point.
Shock comeback
Incidentally, I was a bit puzzled to hear these words from Ant McPartlin as he announced Limitless Win is coming back: “We’re so happy that Limitless Win has been such a hit with the viewers.”
A hit with the viewers, Ant? By the end of the last series it had lost a third of its audience and only just made that week’s Top 30, trailing in behind the likes of Dragons’ Den and the BBC’s Six O’Clock News. It even lost to EastEnders. Limitless Win? Limitless spin, more like.
Wright praise
TOWIE's Mark Wright Jnr praised his brother, Josh Wright (BBC / Twenty Twenty)A jumped record sound effect was required at the latest instalment of BBC1’s A Wright Family Holiday, when Mark Wright told his brother - lower league footballer Josh - how proud he was of him for “scoring against Man Utd”.
I duly checked my dusty almanack, and Josh did indeed score an early opener when Scunthorpe United hosted Sir Alex Ferguson’s finest in the League Cup back in 2010. What’s that? What happened in the rest of the match? Look, Josh scored - ok? That’s all you need to know.
Stiff Wimbledon
Annabel Croft has hit out at the BBC’s use of AI commentators on some Wimbledon 2023 online highlights packages.
“It was very stiff, it was emotionless, no feelings at all,” Annabel lamented.
NB. Insert own Tim Henman/Andrew Castle gag here.
Britain's Got Talent
Sorry, Bruno (Alan Chapman/Dave Benett/Getty Images)Bruno Tonioli says he hasn’t signed up for next year’s Britain’s Got Talent yet, but “If the show wants me, I will be there.”
Thanks for that, Bruno. However, I think it will be more a case of if the show can’t find anyone else you’ll be there.
BBC scandal
Occasional politician and part-time GB News wolf-whistler Lee Anderson this week criticised the BBC for being, in his words, “a safe haven for perverts”.
Yeah, back off you BBC lot. That’s the Tory party’s job.
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