Startling reality of a sex dungeon - cuddles, discarded trousers, and big queues
Warning: adult content
For Lara, aka Divine Theratrix, there's nothing at all intimidating about walking into a sex dungeon ahead of a busy Saturday night.
Lara's 'main passion and interest in life' is kink, and she's committed to making sure those attending sex club nights have a fun evening.
Having built her name for herself as a 'conscious kink facilitator', the qualified lawyer and therapist began working shifts as a sex dungeon monitor back in 2022 after friends in the industry began asking her to come and work at their events.
She wasn't nervous at all when she showed up for her first shift, having been a regular at similar events for years.
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Lara began working as a dungeon monitor back in 2022 (Humphrey Nemar)Although no two shifts are the same, Lara will usually kick things off by walking around the dungeon, surveying the layout, and making sure everything is in order.
Lara, who is also a representative for the sex-positive community JOYclub, said: "[I] check on any equipment, check safer sex supplies, cleaning products. Check that all the furniture looks safe, and there are no sharp edges on things.
"All the areas where play might be taking place should be visible. We want to make sure that corners have enough lighting so that if you're standing in a space and looking around, you want a 360-degree view of the view, to make sure everyone is visible to you."
The first thing that any good dungeon monitor has to know is the code of conduct for the event they're working at, which all those attending have to agree to.
Without these codes, such events couldn't go ahead, and Lara believes this is something mainstream clubs would do well to learn from.
Lara, who is based in London, told the Mirror: "That's the basis of your monitoring because I'll be making sure everybody is acting in accordance with that code of conduct."
It's Lara's job to provide a safe environment for all (Humphrey Nemar)Another important duty is managing the flow of guests, ensuring things don't get too crowded. This can be one of the most challenging parts of the role, especially at peak times when more "eager" people want to enter than can actually be permitted.
This results in a queuing system, where Lara and her fellow monitors have to figure out factors such as who was first and which piece of furniture they're waiting to use.
Lara estimates that there are around three or four London-based events each weekend, and she'll often work both Friday and Saturday nights.
Times vary, but longer shifts may well last from 9 pm right up until 6 am, with shorter shifts seeing Lara working from 11 pm to 4 am.
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The overall feel of the evening also vary, depending on the size and theme of the event. For example, the small "sweet little basement space" Lara owns in East London caters to around 30 people.
As a neurodivergent person, Lara finds being on one energy level for an extended period of time "quite draining", and so provides "a variety of atmospheres" in her space, with little rooms off to the side of a long corridor offering various textures and colours.
Lara revealed "There's a kitchen area for people to chill out in, and each room has a slightly different atmosphere. So one might be a very cuddly space, and another one might be equipped as a BDSM space. I've got another one which is woodland themed."
Lara will often work both Friday and Saturday nights (Humphrey Nemar)A much different vibe can be found at larger parties, such as those held by Torture Garden, where you may well find as many as 1200 people in attendance.
Lara explained: "In the larger spaces, you might be in a big club venue which has two big dance rooms with different types of music. There might be what's called a couple's room which is catering more to sexual play, and there will usually also be a dungeon space which has the BDSM furniture."
Guests can move around such spaces depending on what they're interested in and at the end of the night, there might be entertainment, such as a cabaret or a dance performance.
There's no pressure to engage in any of the sexual play at all, and attendees can just dance and enjoy the "spectacle" element.
Nothing really surprises Lara anymore, but she does still get quite baffled when guests leave behind pairs of trousers, wondering how they've managed to get home without them. At the end of one particularly memorable night, she came across three butt plugs.
Lara has previously been surprised to find pairs of trousers left behind (Humphrey Nemar)
According to Lara, the scene has 'exploded' since lockdown (Humphrey Nemar)According to Lara, the clientele greatly varies, from brain surgeons to those working in nightlife. She finds it "refreshing" how such places can be a great leveller, with salaries and social positions irrelevant once everybody is in their kink gear.
Back in 2010, when Lara first began exploring her sexuality in these sorts of spaces, the scene was a "lot more underground". It's becoming more mainstream but is still very much regarded as a subculture.
Lara reckons people would be surprised to learn just how thriving the scene actually is, and says things have "exploded" since lockdown.
According to Lara: "I've seen people's interests become a lot more specific. When we were all kind of incarcerated without being able to see anyone, I think everybody got to know themselves really well.
"I've noticed since there have been a lot more specific nights where perhaps smaller groups of people are gathering around a particular interest."
These more niche parties may cater to demographics such as "queer people who are really into rock music", or those who are into "pet play".
She's noticed a lot more niche interest parties crop up in recent times (Humphrey Nemar)
Lara says she's found a lot of her 'chosen family' through her interest in kink (Humphrey Nemar)For Lara, there's a real sense of "camaraderie" in such spaces, which she personally finds to be very sociable, and it's here where she feels she's found a lot of her "chosen family".
Lara said: "Even when I'm at work I get to see a lot of my friends, which is really lovely. Everyone comes up and says hello, and ultimately I really derive a lot of satisfaction from seeing that a space is upheld in a really safe and consensual way."
For many people, Lara says, kink is a huge part of their identity, and smaller clubs will often throw picnics, workshops, and other such socials for guests.
Those outside the scene may also be surprised to learn that the club aesthetics aren't always "dark and mysterious". One event she worked at recently was bright and colourful, much like a festival, with "cute" castle scenes, and has previously encountered people dressed up as goddesses and mermaids.
Lara reflected: "When I see people having a really lovely play scene, it makes me really happy when I witness really beautiful interactions that are BDSM related, because I think people who aren't familiar with it, they tend to maybe think that it's all about pain, or that it's all a bit weird.
"In actual fact, I think the toys that people use or the furniture that they're playing on, or what they're wearing is kind of irrelevant to it all.
"What's really going on is that they're having a really beautiful, emotional connection with each other, and when I get to see that, and when I get to see really respectful and consensual interactions, it kind of validates my interest in this."
According to Lara, sex-positive event organisers have a much trickier time getting access to venues, and she'll frequently be turned down if she wanted to host a party in a mainstream club.
Going forward, Lara is working to form a trade association to help put those in the industry on a more level playing field and hopes this will give them more of a voice when it comes to speaking with the police or the council.
She also hopes for more education surrounding sex-positive spaces, shining light on the benefits they hold for so many, especially for those from the LGBTQ+ community.
Lara said: "I think that the spaces that are created for nudity and sexual expression are a lot safer than mainstream clubbing. People don't get touched without their consent, because there are rules against it. You don't get groped. Everybody is very respectful and you have to ask for their permission.
"Perhaps that might surprise many people who go mainstream clubbing, especially women. I'm sure most women who go mainstream clubbing have had unwanted comments, they've had unwanted touching.
"And if they were to come to a sex-positive space then they'd probably feel really safe, even without wearing any clothes."
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