'I'm a Soul Midwife - I guide people through dying stages to have a good death'
Coming up with a birth plan is very common - but it's a lot rarer to sort one for your death.
When someone prepares to give birth, they may work with a midwife to decide whether they want to have their baby at home or in the hospital, in bed or in a birthing pool, and if they want to take medication or not.
And just as you can plan every detail for a baby's entry into this world, it seems you can also plan someone's exit, with Soul Midwives on hand to help people have a "good death" in their home, a hospice or in hospital.
Krista Hughes, from Surrey, has been working as a Soul Midwife for the last nine years but says dying people have been drawn to her since she was very young.
The 61-year-old feels she has a connection with those reaching the end of their life and has always known she wanted to do something to help, feeling as if it "was in her DNA".
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As such she trained with Felicity Warner, the founder of the Soul Midwives School, and now works with The Mulberry Centre at West Middlesex University Hospital, bridging a gap between clinical and holistic care. Her role here involves supporting strangers through their 'dying time' using her knowledge of the different stages of the dying process to provide physical, emotional, and spiritual assistance.
Krista has been a Soul Midwife for the last nine years (Krista Hughes)
The 61-year-old says she's always been drawn to people who are dying (Supplied/Krista Hughes)And while you might not have heard of Soul Midwives before, Krista claims that what she does is "nothing new".
Speaking to The Mirror, she explained: "It's things that we do as humans and have been doing for millennia, providing tender, loving, compassionate care.
"I use a lot of gentle techniques like breath work, supporting someone in slowing their breathing down and moving away from panicky breathing to more regular breathing to help calm and settle the body.
"I'm a yoga therapist as well so I know that a relaxed body can manage the symptoms of pain and distress much more effectively and manageably than a stressed body.
"I'm not for a second saying there shouldn't be pain relief at the end of life, but there are also techniques that we can use that are simple but powerful and can support the body being in a much more relaxed place."
Soul Midwives help provide gentle care and support during someone's end of life stages (stock photo) (Getty Images/iStockphoto)A big part of Krista's role is to create an end-of-life plan with her client and their loved ones to help give them a "good death".
"It can be very important to think and talk about in advance where someone might like to be [when they die], who they might like to have with them, the level of pain relief they want, as some people might want to be present and conscious, but for others, the thought of pain is an overriding worry for them, so it all depends on the person," she says. "Basically we provide non-medical, non-religious care and comfort."
She continues to share a story about a woman she worked with who really wanted to die in her garden, but due to her situation, it proved difficult logistically to get her outside. So Krista and the family got creative and brought the garden indoors.
"She was in a room with big French windows that were open wide, pots and plants were brought in and we had a recording of birdsong that she could hear. I know that sounds like little things but it's actually very powerful.
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"An enormous part of our role is developing an understanding of the person who is dying - figuring out what makes them tick, what are their loves, their fears, their worries, all these kinds of things. So a lot of what I do is listening with my heart," Krista adds.
A Soul Midwife can provide guidance and support through the four 'dying stages' (stock photo)According to Krista, there are four main stages of the dying process, which are known as Earth, Water, Fire, and Air.
"When someone is dying they move through those stages and there are common themes throughout, for example when someone is in the Earth stage that might last quite a long time, possibly months and it's where they start to be a little bit wobbly on their feet, they start to lose vitality, they start to tire really easily, you see them move a little more stiffly and rigidly. It's when they first begin to lose independence.
"Alongside of this comes an emotional wobbliness, someone might become a bit more fretful or needy, they could become worried about being left on their own and start questioning some of their long-held beliefs."
This leads to the second stage, the Water stage, which is all about emotions.
"It's a time when there's a lot of reminiscing," says Krista. "There will be a lot of talking and thinking about mothers especially.
"It's almost like the ebb and flow of the tide, there's a lot of washing through of things, washing through emotions and this can last quite a long time."
The third stage is the Fire stage, during which Krista claims everything that is no longer needed is being "burnt out" - be it physical or emotional - leaving the body "a husk".
Finally comes the Air stage, which brings acceptance and a "gentle peace". This is when the family will ideally gather to say their farewells.
The number of stages Krista works through with a client can vary, as sometimes she's referred to someone at the point of their diagnosis but other times she doesn't join them until the end.
The expert says it's wonderful if she's hired earlier as it means she can provide full support, going through all four stages and creating an end-of-life wish plan, working on memory and breathing techniques and helping them reach a really calm space.
However, this doesn't need to be the case and very often Soul Midwives are called in to help during a person's final days or hours, meaning the role will involve providing a lot of support to family members as well, although Krista believes that deep down most people do know what to do when a person is dying.
"I think most people know what to do, intuitively, when someone is dying, but unfortunately what has happened is that we've lost those skills and forgotten how to be around people in their dying time," she says.
"I think one of my main roles is unlocking that skill for everyone and supporting families in understanding that death usually is a natural process and often can be a very peaceful process as well."
If you know anyone that's in need of end-of-life support, you can find help and learn more about Soul Midwives at www.soulmidwives.co.uk and at krista.soulmidwife.org.uk
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