Pregnant woman 'horrified' after husband vows to save baby's life over hers

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The mum-to-be was devastated by her husband
The mum-to-be was devastated by her husband's casual response (Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

A mum-to-be was 'horrified' after a hypothetical question with her husband over life and death left her feeling like nothing more than an 'incubator'. The woman - six months pregnant - explained that the couple have a healthy relationship but she now can't help thinking that her life is viewed as less worthy than her unborn child's, in her partner's eyes at least.

The couple had been organising their baby's room when the husband was overcome with emotion. She explained on Reddit: "Last night, while we were setting up our nursery, my husband got a bit emotional about us finally becoming parents. We were talking, and I was comforting him when he mentioned he hopes I have an easy childbirth. He said it would break his heart to lose me."

His wife reassured him that she is healthy and that the birth will be fine. But he then commented that, "sacrificing my life for our baby is the most selfless thing a mother can do." The woman joked about never wanting to be in that despairing scenario when he dropped the bombshell: "Of course I’d pick our baby over you - it’s how things are supposed to be and we are parents. Our child takes first priority in my life."

She went on: "His words. I was horrified at how casually he said that and the matter-of-fact way he expressed himself. I felt uneasy and got upset, questioned him and he simply dismissed me and said that 'there’s no debate about it'. I’m just at loss of words. I feel so confused and hurt at my husband’s thoughts."

Although she felt she should be happy that he chose their unborn baby's life over hers, it caused an unpleasant feeling inside: "Because then I think how my husband is implying that all I am to him is an incubator for his child. Which also feels like a wrong way to think because he has loved me and still loves me so much."

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The woman questioned whether or not it was just her hormones that made her "so angry and upset" over his words, like she wanted to "explode." She also felt wrapped up in guilt for "acting like I am jealous of our baby" in the first place but felt strongly that he should put the person he made his vows to first.

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"Like does he not owe it to me to at least want to save me regardless of our decision because I’m his wife? He can’t get another me, can he? I’ll save my husband in a heartbeat if he was the one who was pregnant. Also we were not joking around, this was a normal conversation," she added.

The emotional post left Reddit users contemplating the morality of such a situation in the birthing room. One wrote: "I've always thought that I'd want my mum there if/when I give birth, because I know 100%, no doubt she would do what I would want rather than what she wanted," followed by the reply: "Indeed, a lot of women want their mother there for this reason. To advocate for their lives because their husbands would be too morally/emotionally conflicted."

Others attempted to comfort the mum-to-be and said that, although every effort would be made to save both, doctors would ultimately prioritise her life over the baby's. "They are duty bound to save the mother," someone added.

One husband replied and appeared more considerate of his wife's life, writing: "Told my wife I would save her over the kid. I married her. I don't even know that kid yet. While another criticised the poster's husband's crass choice of wording: "'He said that sacrificing my life for our baby is the most selfless thing a mother can do' - sorry, but that is a messed up way to say that."

Steven White

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