'My husband refuses to get a vasectomy to put my mind at ease - he's so selfish'

03 March 2024 , 16:31

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A couple have fallen out after a husband refuses to get a vasectomy despite their baby loss trauma (Image: Getty Images)

A woman says she has "suffered enough" through pregnancies and has been left "completely shocked" as her husband refuses to get a vasectomy.

Navigating their path to parenthood Lauren* and Geoff* have found themselves to be on a rollercoaster of emotions. Whilst they welcomed their first child after IVF a little while ago they have since faced three miscarriages but now Lauren is furious at her partner who refuses to get a vasectomy.

The couple's journey has not been smooth; recently they lost their fourth baby and it's taken a toll on Lauren. In a post online, she shared her health challenges which she said included PCOS, fibroids, and pelvic fluid, which she said have all compounded the couple's difficult journey.

Lauren's body has been through a lot and she's fed up with being pocked and prodded and pumped full of pills and medicines. This has left her not wanting to go on birth control. For Lauren, it would be just another pill she's having to put in her body.

In a heartfelt post Lauren shared on Mumsnet she said, "I don't want to go on hormones for birth control as I don't want to mess up my hormones and my body anymore. I suffer enough and have had several procedures, tests, examinations, surgical procedures, scans and hormones pumped into my body. I just want to be left alone."

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In her post she reveals she has experienced birth trauma, she says, "I've been injured while giving birth very traumatically, many stitches, haemorrhaged..." and says that she and her partner don't have sex often anymore, "for many reasons."

Lauren says the "main reason" they don't have sex often is because of her fear of getting pregnant and having another miscarriage. She adds that she asked her partner to consider getting a vasectomy so they could "enjoy their sex life again," however she said he flat-out refused.

She said, "We don't have sex often for many reasons. Mainly being I'm exhausted from being mummy and in pain a lot. When we do it's lovely and I do love my husband very much.

"But this evening I asked him if he would think about getting a vasectomy. So we can enjoy our sex life again in the knowledge I won't get pregnant and have a miscarriage or another baby. Before I could even put to him my point of view he flat out refused. And said I wouldn't put myself through that."

Lauren said she was "completely shocked by how selfish" her husband was being and that she had been deeply upset by his behaviour. She added, that she was "flabbergasted" but also asked if she should just "calm down" and "try and see this from his point of view."

83 percent of those on Mumsnet who saw Lauren's post said she was not being selfish but the comments were divided. One person commented, "Honestly some men are just so selfish. No wonder you're flabbergasted."

Another person said, "How would you have responded if he'd asked you to get your tubes tied?"

A third person said, "What an utterly selfish awful thing to say/think. How dare he let you be battered and torn and then just sit there on his high horse saying he won't 'put himself through' a minor operation to save you mental and physical anguish. Is he normally an absolute p***k?"

A fourth person said, "I'd be devastated by that response & think you two really need to be able to discuss this."

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