'I wish I'd been a helicopter parent – my kids would have achieved so much more'
A mum whose youngest child is going to college next year has reflected on her self-confessed ‘free range’ parenting, admitting she wished she had pushed her children to 'achieve much more'. While she shared that all of her children had done well, she also admitted that looking back, it was the children with ‘fanatically involved’ parents who achieved the most, both academically and athletically.
She said: “When the kids were in primary school, I remember shaking my head as parents talked about advanced math tutoring. At the time it seemed so silly to chart out the life of a kid who still needed naps.” However, looking back, she said that it’s clear that the children with ‘pushy parents’ had all gone on to play sport at top colleges, leaving her lamenting her parenting strategy.
She mused: “My takeaway is that, even if you are a committed ‘free range’ parent, your kid is in a competitive environment competing for scarce opportunities to go to top schools and play for competitive school teams.” And while she highlighted she wasn’t unhappy with how her children had turned out, or their experiences at school, she has since realised that the parents who pushed their children in all areas were offering them greater opportunities and advancement in life.
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She said: “It not like my kids were slouches. They got good grades. But I can’t shake the feeling that If I had pushed harder, their results would’ve been much better.” And after asking others for their advice, dcurbanmom.com readers were quick to respond: “Were they happy? Did they have the opportunity to explore interests and passions? Did they learn how to try hard and fail? Did they learn how to support others?” questioned one, who also said: “Your definition of success is very narrow.”
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Another parent agreed, saying: “I mean, it's a little odd that you regard that as an envious accomplishment. I wouldn't wish that for my children in a million years.” Another questioned the style of parenting that could lead to losing your children as they got older: “If you pushed your kids too hard, maybe you would lose them in the future when they question why their childhood was so stressful.” One offered some sage parenting advice: “The key I think is knowing your kid and understanding their potential. It’s about lining up the opportunities accordingly.”
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