'My wife doesn't want to have sex since she had our kid - I want a divorce'
A man has asked internet users if he is wrong to ask for a divorce because his wife has gone off sex after giving birth and despite them going to therapy he sees no hope for the future of their carnal relationship. The man said that he waited a year after their child was born to bring up the subject of a lack of sex, and after much discussion, they decided to go to couples' therapy to try to solve their problem.
However he found the female therapist was hard to talk to, while his wife was able to offload her feelings easily, so he was advised to go to individual therapy. He said that he found the male therapist much easier to talk to. After a few months of both therapies, there was a conclusion that he needed to manage his expectations when it came to sex, that the number of liaisons the couple would manage was likely to be limited and the quality would be questionable.
He said: "So I asked my therapist if I have to manage my expectations, and he said not really, if I don't wanna. He said there is nothing wrong with having expectations and if my wife can't meet them, she can't meet them. What I can't do is agree to compromise and then hold it against her head.
"I thought about it and I have decided that compromise on sex is not for me. I do not want to be in a relationship that is not sexually satisfactory, I have given two years to this relationship and I am not willing to give more. And it seems like the couple's therapist and my wife are trying to make me be okay with sub-par sex life."
He added that he went back to the couple's therapy and explained what his therapist had said. He was told that he should be happy his wife is doing this as she knows what she is doing and he does not. After hearing that he said he thought divorce was a good solution and the couple's therapist said she wanted to talk more about that, but he said that while he was OK with that he wasn't going to pay any more so the person simply smiled and walked away.
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He said: "I ended our couple's therapy and asked my wife for divorce. Wife is not happy about it and now wants to work on our relationship. But a relationship without a very good sex life is not a good goal worth fighting for, for me. She said she would work towards it, I said to do it then. It's been two days nothing has changed really. I mean she has all the time she needs before the divorce is finalised so that's that, but I am not hopeful. I am giving more to this relationship than I am getting back from it. It's not sustainable. I think divorce is best for both of us."
Other users of the site were not very happy with his reaction to his wife's post-partum troubles, with many questioning why he was not thinking about the child in any of this and only about his own needs. One said: "There's absolutely nothing about the kid in this discussion. Like, did he want kids? Did he not understand that having kids would reduce his sex life at least somewhat? Does he love his kid? Does he love his wife? Or is he just a selfish a-hole who sees marriage as some kind of agreement about how often he gets to have sex?"
And another said: "I am shocked that there is no consideration for the child. Being a father is about far more than ‘my wants’ ffs, that’s what he signed up for and leaving WILL have a seriously detrimental effect on the child. People and life change once you have a child, OP is extremely selfish and clearly has not even thought about how his actions will harm those around him. Pretty sad to be honest," while a third said: "He doesn’t consider the adult human he married to be a person why would his child be any different? As a father the first thought I had holding my daughter in my arms was 'my life is over, I don’t matter, she’s the only thing that matters and I’m OK with that because this is so worth it'. In my opinion, if you’re not ready for that you should not have a kid."
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