'Partner wants to be a stay-at-home-fiancée, she says I earn enough to keep her'
A man has admitted that his fiancée’s unusual ‘proposal’ following his own proposal of marriage had left him feeling uncertain about their relationship. The 30-year-old told how he recently got engaged to his partner of two and a half years after the couple met at work.
After sharing how he’s a researcher at a big tech company while his fiancée works in marketing, he said he was instantly ‘smitten’ by her when they met, with the couple experiencing no problems in their relationship until she proposed something ‘he had never heard of.’
He said: “One of the things I love about Emma is how organised she is. Her job involves working on marketing events and event planning. She is great at it, and I am proud of her. However, her work also involves working longer hours, especially if she’s helping organising events.” After admitting that his desk job offers him ‘predictable hours’ where he rarely works late, he told how his fiancée often complained about his ‘nice office job’ while she had to travel around to facilitate hers.
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He also revealed that he was neurodivergent, with ADD (attention deficit disorder), often struggling with ‘simple things’: "That is one of the reasons I love her as I struggle with anything that requires organisation. She is patient and makes my life better in many ways.”
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After she moved into his apartment in the summer, he told how they had their first open discussion about finances, where he revealed his good compensation package: “This is due to some really lucky factors, and stock value appreciation,” he said.
However, while she knew he was financially stable, he said she was shocked to learn he was making around 15 times more than her salary: “I offered her to not pay anything, and concentrate on saving to pay back her student debt, which was paused at that time. I own our apartment. However, she said that she also wanted to contribute and we decided to split the expenses proportional to what we make, which I thought was fair.”
With his wife-to-be always ‘very independent and self-sufficient,” he said the issue arose when they got engaged and she requested a ‘specific diamond ring’ worth around £13k ($15k), which he said he ‘wasn’t comfortable’ spending. He also revealed his discomfort at her telling people how much the ring cost when they admired it. He also wasn’t prepared for the ‘bridal bombshell’ she dropped next, telling him she was planning on handing in her notice so she could concentrate fully on their wedding planning instead.
He said: “We plan to get married in the summer, hence why she wants to make sure she takes care of all the bookings soon. I asked her why she needed to quit her job for that, and she said that she was tired of working long hours, and wanted to be a 'stay-at-home fiancée'. I laughed and told her that was not a thing.”
With his future wife still in ‘tens of thousands’ of pounds worth of student loan debt, he said she had argued the amount was less than what he made in a month: “She said we are a team now,” he fumed, before agreeing to her taking a break, rather than abandoning her career at such a young age.
He said: “She is good at what she does and I want her to be independent even after marriage. Is a Stay-At-Home-Fiancée really a thing? I want to support her and make her life comfortable, but I feel quitting her career is a little too early for her age.”
After taking his financial predicament to Reddit to see what readers thought, many were quick to question her motives: “The fact that she went from an independent, capable adult to wanting to be your dependent after she found out how much you make is a huge concern," said one, while another advised counselling to help iron out how the finances will work in their marriage: “Do you want to fully support her (if so, great!) or not. These are make-or-break things in a marriage. Better to work them out now.”
Another sided fully with his fiancée: “No need to slog at an underpaid job and be burnt out and miserable,” while another agreed, saying: “If my husband made 15x my salary, there is no way I’d be working. It would be pointless. I’d stay home and clean the house and take care of the kids and iron his clothes and plan our vacations and workout.”
Another neurodivergent reader said her role in their relationship should’t be underestimated: “I have severe ADHD and need help with certain things like organisation. Over the years I’ve learned coping techniques, but a second set of eyes is really, really helpful.”
“I am no gold digger, my girlfriend didn't make that much when we got together," said one. "I am in charge of any household management, budgets and making sure our pets are taken care of. We both adore it and we are happy with it,” said one. “I don't get the big deal over her quitting a high stress, low wage job.”
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