14 January 2023 , 12:37
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When your best friend is getting married, it's such an exciting time. You want to make the run-up and their special day as amazing as possible - and that will often include arranging a hen do, a really fun part of the festivities. A woman was left wondering whether she was in the wrong, however, after giving her bestie some home truths when she was crying over her ex in the bathroom.
The woman took to Reddit's 'Am I the a**hole' forum to check whether people thought she'd been too harsh to her friend, who got 'quite wasted' at the party.
The woman was accused of being too harsh (Stock Image) (Getty Images/Tetra images RF)She wrote: "My best friend for the last 10 years is getting married in a few weeks. This past weekend was her bachelorette party. She got quite wasted but I don’t drink a lot so I played it safer and stayed pretty coherent.
"At one point she was in the bathroom vomiting and crying and looking through pictures of her ex on Instagram. All the other girls were comforting her and talking about what a piece of s*** he is etc. The next maybe hour turned into a fixation on her ex, how they should have been the ones married etc.
"Her ex recently had a baby with his new wife so I understand it may have opened old wounds, but they split up 5 years ago.
'I don't want children staying up late at weekends - I really need adult time'
"I am also one of the few people who actually know why they split up and all I can say is it was definitely her fault.
"After the hour, I tried to get us all out of the bathroom and continue the night. The next morning things seemed fine but then my friend was going through her phone and saw she had called her ex 10+ times. She freaked out but the calls were all so short we assume he didn’t pick up.
"I told her she needed to delete his number from her phone and move on because it wasn’t fair to the guy she is marrying if she continues to be hung up on her ex."
Whilst some may consider this advice to be sound, as the woman is clearly not in the right headspace for marriage to a new man, their friendship group were not pleased and referred to her as 'insensitive'.
She continued: "Everyone got really upset with me for being insensitive and I was made to feel like it was my fault for letting her call him. Eventually, my friend asked me to go home early. I learned from one of the other bridesmaids that they spent the rest of the morning bashing me in addition to her ex.
"I was told part of a bachelorette party is getting closure with old relationships and my judgmental attitude ruined it for the bride-to-be.
"I talked to my sister about it and she said while my friend was being ridiculous that it’s my job to put aside my feelings for the bride as maid of honour. We are all in our 30s though and this seems very odd to me. Am I the a**hole?"
In an update, the woman explained that she was friends with the bride because she was her first proper friend, sharing that she grew up in a small town, and as a gay woman faced a lot of prejudice - and the bride was the first person to show her real kindness.
People were quick to point out that the maid of honour was being more than reasonable in telling her friend that she shouldn't be crying over her ex when she's about to get married to another man.
'My hubby wants to name our baby after his mum but her beliefs are too extreme'
One fumed: "Your friend seems to still be carrying a torch for her ex while planning to marry someone else. Poor groom."
Another pointed out that thinking of an ex in that way is a bit bizarre, commenting: "I didn't think of my ex once during my hens, or like... ever because I don't care. What a weird outlook to have", and someone agreed, writing: "The only time I have thought of my ex is when I hear about them from others. That’s usually followed by being glad that our breakup lead to us both finding great partners and having the best lives we could have."
Someone else pointed out they did speak about an ex at their sister's hen do, but not because she missed him. She wrote: "I think we spoke about my sister's ex briefly at her bachelorette but in a 'god, remember when you thought you were going to marry him??? That would have been awful' kind of way.
"And we also shared stories about her college days where she had a lot of casual sex. Like we looked back on her dating life that lead her to her husband but not in 'still hanging on' kind of way."
Who would you side with? Let us know in the comments.