'My husband banned me from getting dog - he invoked his grandfather clause'
A woman has told how her husband’s incessantly controlling behaviour is threatening to ruin their otherwise happy marriage. The 35-year-old said that their inability to agree on her ‘lifelong dream' of owning her own dog was causing problems, leading to the couple failing to reach a compromise.
After sharing how her husband, who is 12 years older than her, already had a dog when they met a few years ago, she told how although ‘Kira’ wasn’t the breed she would have chosen herself, she adored having her.
However, she also admitted that cracks started to form in their marriage when her husband started to exert his coercive canine control, citing his ‘grandfather clause’ – where an old rule continues to apply to an existing situation – as the overriding reason: “My husband won't let me have any pets of my own,” she said. “When we met, I had just moved to the town he's in for work. My plan was always to get a pet as soon as possible, and I was finally in a situation where it was realistic.”
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She also told that because he got Kira just after the couple met, and his plan was already in effect, he could make the over-ruling decision: “He said he has a ‘grandfather clause’ that trumps my lifelong dream of having my own pet. Essentially, he's saying that he beat me to it. He got a dog first, so now I cannot get one. He refuses to have any more dogs in the house. He will not allow another dog unless it's Kira and one of her puppies.”
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After arguing her point by saying that both of them effectively had a grandfather clause in place, she told him it was always her plan to have a pet a soon as possible. “I don't think it's right for him to deny me this dream just because he wants to have two of the same dog. He has been open to me getting a cat, but will only allow a cat of a certain gender, age, and colour. He is also mildly allergic and wants the cat to mostly live outside if so," she said.
She also admitted to telling him it was unfair for the couple to only be living his life rather than a shared one: “We are living in his town (I was meant to stay here temporarily, but he can't move anywhere else), in his house (I moved into the house he already owned), with his pet. I feel like he has to compromise and allow me to fulfil this dream of mine as well,” she raged.
She also admitted that his controlling behaviour was becoming a persistent problem: “I have no problem with him having Kira or one of her puppies, but they are his dogs; he chose the breed, the gender, the colour, the training methods, the activities, the equipment, etc. I would like to have a choice as well.”
And after asking the Reddit community for some outsider puppy perspective, she was relieved to find most readers were firmly on her side. “I see there's a 12-year age gap, with you the younger party,” says one. “Does your husband believe he's the master and you're the servant? Has he purchased you a collar and leash?”
Another agreed that his controlling behaviour was clearly out of hand: “Frankly, I find this type of relationship toxic. I do not understand how you cope with the dictator.” Another reader agreed saying: "They have a dictatorship not a partnership. He rules and she has to bow down, or it's a fight.”
One reader commented: “Damn, if that doesn't say everything about how he views your role in the partnership, I don't know what to tell you,” while another said: “Funny, my husband had a dog when we met and she is now most definitely mine.”
Most comments alluded to his controlling nature: “I don’t think it’s even about the pet. It’s about controlling the relationship,” said one worried reader, while another urged: “Do not have children with this dictator. You have no rights unless he graciously grants them. Think hard – do you want to spend the next 20, 30 or more years like this?"
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