'Selfish brother buys me gifts with himself in mind - I hate every one of them'

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The man hated the gifts his brother bought (stock photo) (Image: Getty Images/RooM RF)
The man hated the gifts his brother bought (stock photo) (Image: Getty Images/RooM RF)

A man has told of his ‘constant disappointment’ every time he opens a gift from his older brother that’s clearly more suitable for him. After telling how he always chooses something for his 25-year-old brother he truly believes he will love and use, the 22-year-old never felt as though it was reciprocated, and his burgeoning anxiety and disappointment over the gift giving situation had even led to his family calling him ‘selfish and ungrateful’ for feeling this way.

He said: “For the past three years, my brother and I have exchanged Christmas and birthday gifts. This year, he surprised me with a drone. I spent £80 ($100) on a white Nike cap, Raptors beanie hat, a hat organiser, and a ‘Leafs’ lanyard. He's always stressed about misplacing his hats and wants more of my style.”

However he admitted to being shocked when he opened the drone gifted to him by his brother at Christmas, and after initially worrying how much he had spent on the present he admitted: “I couldn't shake off the disappointment and anxiety, as I felt the drone wasn't something I'd use. I feel like he always gets me things that he wants for himself. My brother admitted in front of me, my mum, and his girlfriend that the gifts he buys me are also something he can wear and use.”

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With his girlfriend also sensing his discomfort every time he opened a gift from his sibling, he admitted to all the gifts he’d asked his brother for receipts for in the past, including bright red New Balance trainers and Purple Vans – and how he never had any receipts, but ended up keeping and wearing each gift himself instead.

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He ranted: “For the past three years it's just been more of the same. I feel he doesn't put in effort. I ask for a receipt, and my family calls me ungrateful, while my gifts are always so personal to him.”

And after admitting that his parents weren’t a fan of his behaviour he said: “Sometimes I think my brother gets me stuff he likes, thinking I'd like it too. However, it's difficult to communicate with my brother. He reacts angrily to simple requests for advice. He says he's a responsible older brother, but I don’t even feel close with him.”

After taking his gifting dilemma to Reddit, while also asking if it was bad if he asked him for the receipt for the unwanted drone, many suggested the siblings used a gift ‘wishlist’ in the future to allay any further doubt. “Our family uses ‘Things to get me,’” said one reader. “We use it for running lists that we add to when we see something, all at various price points, and after every Xmas/birthday you can clear the things you’ve received.” Another agreed commenting: “This is why I'm a fan of gift lists. I don't like getting gifts that I didn't request, because most of the time it's something I have no interest in. I also don't like having to guess what someone else will like.”

One reader advised him to sell the drone on eBay to buy something he wanted with the money instead: “Sell it on eBay, do not sell it on fb marketplace. Someone can see it connected to your profile. If asked about it after you sell it, tell him it broke. If asked how: LIE.”

One said: “He’s good at conning you, not bad at giving gifts,” while another advised the brothers stop with the gift giving altogether: “He might as well keep what he's buying, since he's not buying things for you and has admitted it. Sometimes our partners show us the disfunction in our families. It sounds like you knew this was an issue and your girlfriend helped you acknowledge it.”

Emma Rowbottom

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