'I refuse to go to sister-in-law's baby shower - she stole my stillborn's name'
A woman has spoken of her heartbreak after losing her baby daughter - only for her sister-in-law to 'steal' the little girl's name.
The grieving woman gave birth to her 'angel baby' just three months ago. She and her husband had decided on the name Siobhan, since her own mother is Irish and as a tribute to her great auntie.
Understandably, the woman and her husband, who she calls Dylan* for the sake of the story, have been utterly devastated by their loss. Both families have rallied around the couple - all except his sister, Claire*.
Writing anonymously on Reddit, the woman revealed that Claire has just announced she is 20 weeks pregnant and did a gender reveal on Instagram. The couple then received an invitation to a baby shower, which read: "Help us welcome our baby, Siobhan!"
She wrote: "I can admit I cried looking at the invitation. Claire and my husband's family have no connection to Ireland or the name Siobhan, and when my husband asked her why she chose the name, Claire said it sounded pretty and because we weren't able to use it she was going to take it first, and to clarify, no, she is not naming her baby after my daughter."
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She continued: "As much as I want to feel happy for Claire I just can't, it feels like she's rubbing the fact that my baby is dead in my face. And I RSVPd no to the invite. She called me on my private number and chewed me out for "being a sour b***" "not being happy for her," and being "jealous over nothing." I feel like I should be happy for her but I just can't. I just want my baby girl, my Siobhan. Am I the a*****e?"
People flocked to the comments section to share their thoughts on the matter - and Claire did not come out of it well. One person wrote: "I'm enraged for you. Honestly I feel like you should post the invitation side by side with a memorial photo of your angel baby or hospital bill and tell the truth of what [she] did.
"Yes, you don't own the name but the pain of seeing/hearing a baby called that within your own family is devastating. And then let karma do its thing. I’m sure your family and friends will have your back and rightfully put [your sister in law] in her place and hopefully the backlash will make her choose another name. If I were your husband I would immediately cut my sister out of my life. No questions, no conversation about it."
A second agreed: "I am so so sorry for your loss. Something that you write stands out to me. 'She picked it first because you didn't get to use it'. But you did. You have. You are the mother to a baby and that baby girl is called Siobhan. Tragically, Siobhan died. That is heartbreaking and again I am so sorry for your loss. But you are a mother. Mother to Siobhan. Siobhan IS your daughter. You 'were' not going to name her, you did.
"Your [sister in law] is incredibly cruel. I have no words. But please don't feel like your Siobhan hasn't got a name. She has. And you are her mother. I am so so sorry you can't hold her or hug her, but I do hope in the future you can write 'I have a daughter who Tragically died. Her name IS Siobhan'."
And a third person raged: "I am horrified. Your sister-in-law is cruel for telling you to get over it and downright nasty for proceeding to name her child after the one you lost. Are your husband's parents condoning this and her treatment of you? I am not usually one to recommend going 'no contact' with your in-laws but I think this situation more than merits it. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Your baby is and always will be Siobhan. It's a beautiful name for an angel."
*The Reddit poster used fake names to protect her identity.
If you or a family member need support after baby loss, call the Sands helpline on 0808 164 3332 or visit the charity's website.
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