'Parents say I'm a failure because I don't have PhD like all my other siblings'
A man has told how his ‘snobbish and elite’ academic family’s response to his book deal has reignited his childhood trauma. The 25-year-old shared how his parents and five ‘Ivy League educated' siblings, who were all doctors, scientists, and mathematicians, had always made him feel like the ‘black sheep’ of the family growing up, leading to feelings of a lack of self-worth and subsequent self-harming.
He said: “School just didn't come easy to me. They even had me tested for learning disabilities at one point. I had nothing but I just wasn't good at school.” After spending his childhood crying over maths textbooks and wondering why he didn’t understand them, he recognised he flourished in more creative environments.
He added: “Art came easy, literature came easy. But to my family that was trash and not worth focusing on. It didn't help that they kept sending me to the same academic schools my siblings went to, those schools were brutal, the competition there was fierce, and kids were literally snorting Adderall (an ADHD drug) to get through exam week.”
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So at aged 18, he moved out and managed to secure a job at a tattoo parlour. He added: “I was able to get an art degree, I started writing, going to therapy. My life just got better because, for the first time, I could just be me. My family couldn’t accept this, and contact with them became less and less.”
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After securing a publishing deal for a fantasy novel, and excited to tell his family at a New Year’s party, he was left shattered after they: “Awkwardly laughed and changed the topic to my cousin's PhD thesis.”
“I told them they were being rude, and that they'd treated me like crap my whole life.” he continued. “ They snapped back to stop making a scene, that I had been a difficult child and to be understanding. I really lost it then. I screamed that I was never a difficult child, I never drank, sneaked out, stole, did drugs, or got into a fight. I just wasn't into science, which isn't a big deal at all. So what if I wasn't good at school? I left after that,” he said.
After strained communication with his family, he admitted his father’s last message accused him of being ‘childish’ encouraging him to meet and talk, however after an incredibly strained family meeting where his childhood self-harming was brought up, he decided to cut all ties with his family for good.
After asking Reddit readers if he was in the wrong, he received an outpouring of support. One said: “Sounds like you just snapped after getting a lot of disrespect over the years. Also, as someone who also comes from an academic family (with a few writers), I can tell you it's a lot harder to get a book deal than a PhD.”
Another offered sympathy for a difficult childhood: “I just wish you'd had a happier childhood than you did, and sincerely hope your way forward is bright.” One reader said: “Just because you’re different from your siblings doesn’t mean you’re difficult. It just means you’re different.”
Another highlighted that intelligence comes in many forms: “There are many different kinds of intelligence that academia, science, and math cannot properly define. Your family had it coming. You did not deserve to be treated that way.”
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
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