What it's really like to spend Christmas in a children's home without mum or dad

25 December 2023 , 20:00

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Christmas Day can be a devastating time for children living in care (Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Self-harm, violence and drunken behaviour - this is how some children lash out on Christmas Day after waking up to face the sad reality they won't be spending the day with their families.

While some children who live in children's homes do get to spend the day with their relatives, others are forced to spend it with staff because it isn't safe for them to see their family. Some don't have anyone to go home to. We asked a former social worker what Christmas Day is like for children who live in a children's home.

Ann Marie Christian worked in children's homes between 1992 and 1997 and told The Mirror that while staff did their utmost to make the day special, it wasn't always easy. "Some children went home for Christmas Day if it was safe enough to do so," she said. "Others would have to stay and staff would cook Christmas dinner and try and make the day as fun as possible with games and music.

"There would be lots of presents from relatives, other children and staff to open on the day. However, it wasn't an easy day for the children and for some it would often trigger bad memories. A few resorted to self-harm, getting drunk or running away. Children could turn violent or withdrawn."

Care workers at children's homes typically have a strong bond with the children but sometimes, a shortage of staff meant children were looked after by employees who didn't know the child's personal story of trauma and abuse. "It felt fake at times," Ann Marie sighs. "If a child connected with staff, it was easier as they knew they were genuine.

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"The children I spoke to often wished their own families would offer the same as staff at the home but knew they could not and did not understand the impact the abuse had on them. People who work in the care system don't see their behaviour as bad, but instead realise they are troubled children because of what's happened to them. The world needs to be kind, friendly and understanding towards these children. Not every child looks forward to Christmas Day."

One Reddit user GrrrAwesomeness spent many a Christmas Day in foster care and describes how she felt growing up. She wrote: "I remember the loneliest days. Without fail, holidays have always been the loneliest days in foster care, because I felt I had no family.

"Foster parents failed to make me feel like I had a home. I never want another foster kid to feel the same way I do today, where I would have rather been yelled at, hit, and even raped than suffer a lonely holiday, or a day without my family."

Jackie Annett