Gwyneth Paltrow's Christmas gift list includes £13K vibrator and £325 cheese

08 November 2023 , 18:45

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Paltrow's list included a $400 block of cheese which had been aged for 24 months

Gwyneth Paltrow has released 2023’s ‘The Ridiculous but Awesome Gift Guide’ for everyone to write down on their Christmas list.

Paltrow’s Goop wellness brand has released gift guides ahead of Christmas for the last 15 years, never failing to disappoint with its bizarre present ideas at extortionate prices, but this year’s might be the most outrageous yet…

Not sure what to reply to your aunt’s text asking what you want this year? How about demanding a £1,600 gong, a £325 block of cheese, or perhaps a £12,000 24-carat gold vibrator (boasting an “impressively powerful, rumbly motor”)?

These are just three of the 25 items which have made the greatly anticipated list. Others include a $11,300 backgammon set (a good game to ease family tensions on Christmas day, perhaps?), a three-night stay at Turtle Island in Fiji (you have to rent the whole island, though. At $39,500 a night), and a modest pair of Chanel roller skates (priced on the wrong side of £5,000).

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A 24-carat gold vibrator might not be the best present to open in front of your granny (Goop)

At the cheaper end of the list is a gong exploration workshop, promising to “help find your perfect gong” with one-to-one training from a gong master. It will only set you back £233, but it doesn’t come with a free gong.

Goop has also released nine more gift lists to choose from, ensuring all are catered for, including kids, cooks, lovers and travellers.

The Men’s gift guide offers 62 gift ideas which promise to be more exciting (and expensive) than socks.

Working out where to place your Christmas gong sounds like a fun boxing day activity (Goop)

Wondering what to buy for the weird cousin you only see once a year? Perhaps a champagne sabre - a type of sword used by Napolean’s army to open celebratory bottles of champagne - for just under £200. If that doesn’t float his boat, perhaps splash out on a £1,600 foldable kayak.

Those on a budget should head to Paltrow’s under-£100 gift guide (who said she wasn’t down to earth?) which features presents designed to give to mother-in-laws, dog walkers, and everyone in between.

Don't spill the gravy on your $15,000 backgammon set! (Goop)

The items on this lift are definitely less expensive, but no less outlandish, featuring a $55 bauble and, the cheapest gift of all the lists: mouth tape (just in case you have an inkling your dog walker has a mouth breathing problem).

Scratching your head about what to get the kids this Christmas? Goop has got a list for you, too. Imagine their eyes light up as they unwrap a £230 diary or a £3,000 wooden rocking horse. Maybe an ice cream charm necklace topped with a Peruvian opal is at the top of your daughter’s wishlist - sadly it will set Santa back close to £750.

Connie Bowker