'My husband has no friends here and I worry about his lack of a social life'

08 November 2023 , 16:16

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He won't get out there and join a club or sports team (Image: Getty Images)

Dear Coleen

Eight years ago I moved to a new area with my husband and our two ­children, who were three and five at the time.

We had a bit of a ­honeymoon period, enjoying the countryside after living in the city all our lives, and the kids started at lovely schools. But it’s been a bit of a struggle the past few years.

While I’ve made quite a few friends, mostly through the kids, and joined a few local clubs, my husband has found it harder. He never complains about it but he literally has no friends where we live.

It’s starting to worry me that it could end up affecting his mental health. He does keep up with his old mates on social media, but he has no social life at all.

Occasionally, he’ll go for a drink after work with his colleagues, but at home he’s just got me and the kids.

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I’ve tried to encourage him to join a local gym or a football team, but he just says, “Yeah, I’ll look into it”, and never does anything about it.

Am I overthinking this or worrying unnecessarily? I don’t think I’d be able to live ­somewhere quiet like this without friends and a bit of a social life. I’d love your advice.

Coleen says

Rather than beat around the bush trying to get him to join clubs, why not just be up front? Say you’re a bit worried that he has no social life where you live and that you want him to be happy.

Maybe he is ­actually OK and enjoys the odd drink with workmates, but does not need anything else.

I remember when I was married to Ray, he’d go back to Leeds (where he’s from) once a month to see his friends and I’d have a nice weekend on my own. That was enough for him. But it’s lovely that you are noticing and caring about his happiness. It’s a good sign of a loving, supportive relationship.

Perhaps you could do more together locally and try to arrange some couples’ nights out with a few of your mates, so that he can get to know some of the guys?

Not everyone finds it easy to make friends and it gets harder when you’re older, but I think it’s easier for women who tend to make friends through their kids. Maybe your husband just needs a bit of help with it.

Coleen Nolan