'Mother-in-law wants to wear my wedding dress to renew her vows, she'll ruin it'
A couple's 'absolutely wonderful' wedding became marred by a mother-in-law’s bizarre request that overstepped the newly-wed bride’s boundaries in a big way. The 24-year-old woman and 25-year-old man, Marcus, exchanged vows just three months before the woman’s mother-in-law, Rose, approached her with a question that would melt away their new, marital bliss.
After the young couple’s wedding “went off without a hitch”, 46 year-old Rose and her husband David were inspired by their son’s recent declaration of love, to re-new their own vows. The Reddit user said she was “happy for them and thought it was a great idea”. She said that they “are going to get their vows renewed a month from now, they both said that my wedding inspired this, my parents did the same but on a smaller scale when I was 19.”
She added: “Rose came to me with the request that she wear my wedding dress since she was forced to sell hers when Marcus was a kid, and didn't want to spend the money on a brand new wedding dress. I was shocked and just told her that I would think about it.”
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The newlywed was seriously unhappy and was racking her brains for how to politely turn her new family member down. She said: “I have thought about it and I honestly don't want her to wear it. I want to preserve it for a future daughter or granddaughter and the dress would have to be altered in order to fit my mother-in-law.”
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Adding some interesting character quirks about her mother-in-law, she explained that she did not think her wedding dress would be in safe hands. She added: “I'm also afraid of it possibly being stained or torn since Rose is clumsy and has ruined expensive clothes of mine or her own because of it. The fabric is delicate and part of it is white, which is notoriously hard to get stains out of it.”
But It seemed Rose would not let the idea go. She added: “Rose has been texting me about it, wanting to know my answer and I haven't told Marcus about her request yet. The reason my mother-in-law asked me instead of renting/thrifting a dress is that she doesn't think clothing should be rented out and she'd feel uncomfortable wearing a stranger's dress when I asked her about it/offered those options.”
One commenter offered firm and reasonable advice that received the endorsement of 2,800 users. They said: “Politely, but firmly say no. Do mention it to hubby first because your mother-in-law is going to call her son once you say no, and he needs to be on the same page as you. Sorry Rose, but the answer is no. Your wedding dress is a very personal thing for a woman. You are just not comfortable with your dress being loaned out and altered a few months after your wedding.
“This is a test. Your mother-in-law is testing you to see if you will roll over for his request. You need to be polite, but firm. Sorry Rose, I appreciate you asking, but the answer is no. (Do not get into the reasons why, once you do that, she will have a mitigation for each reason. So keep it simple. Sorry, but no.). You can point out that customarily a dress for a vow renewal is a simpler version of a wedding dress as the renewal is not the same as a wedding.
“If your husband questions why you don’t want to loan it to his mother, tell him that the wedding dress for you has the same emotional connection as your engagement and wedding rings. This is as personal to you as it is to any woman, and you really can’t help but wonder why your mother-in-law would want to wear her daughter-in-law's wedding dress for her vow renewal.
"She should get a new dress for her renewal and they actually make dresses for vow renewals, because a renewal is not a wedding. The dress for a renewal is simpler than a wedding dress. If you can’t stand up to her now, politely but firmly, she will own you for everything else that she wants for the rest of your marriage. Do not fall for any guilting, begging, crying."
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