'I broke up with pregnant girlfriend, I know it's selfish but I don't want kids'
A man has sparked a debate after revealing how he broke up with his girlfriend after she fell pregnant with his child. He dated the 23-year-old for around three months before she came to him with a positive pregnancy test, insisting he was the father.
Wanting to make sure the child is actually his, he went through the necessary testing - and was upset to learn the baby girl is his biological child. Taking to Reddit, he said: " I always made sure we used lots of precaution when having sex. She was on birth control and I always used condoms. I wanted to avoid a child.
"I have known for a long time that I do not want children. I find them annoying and they would severely limit my ability to do the things I enjoy - traveling, outdoor stuff, etc." Right away, the 25-year-old asked her to travel to get an abortion, as it's illegal in their state.
He added: "I offered to pay for her flight and hotel and told her I’d be happy to come with her to get it done. I have a stable job and make good money so it isn’t wouldn’t be too much of a hit for me. She works as a receptionist and doesn’t make a lot so I figured it would be better for me to pay. That’s when she told me she was hoping to keep it and that she wanted me to help her raise the kid as its father."
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He made it clear that he doesn't want the baby, nor to be a father - again asking her to reconsider aborting the child. "She kept insisting that I’d have a change of heart once it’s born and to just try it out," he said.
"After a long exchange, I told her that if she intended to keep the baby I would not act as a father. I broke up with her and told her that I would pay child support once it’s born, but that I expect her to respect my wishes and keep the child away from me.
"Since then she’s been frantically texting me, begging me to come back and telling me she’d forgive me. She’s sent me voicemails crying, it does hurt to see, but I haven’t responded." Annoyed, his ex-girlfriend called him selfish for leaving her to raise the baby on her own, knowing she also isn't prepared for this huge life change.
He said: "She texted me saying how she can’t raise the kid alone and how I’m basically forcing her to get the abortion just by leaving. She called me an a**hole, an abuser, and a sexist. She ended the text begging me to talk again.
"I certainly feel bad, I really liked her and we had a good relationship before this, but I just don’t want to be a father. I’m already bitter about the fact that I’ll have to pay child support for 18 years, which will somewhat limit me financially.
"I also feel it isn’t right for a parent who doesn’t want their child to be involved. I’d just end up taking that pent up anger and bitterness out on the child who is ultimately innocent, which I feel isn’t right." While keeping the child a secret from his parents, he has hired a family court lawyer to argue on his behalf.
"My parents want grandkids. They have been hounding me ever since I turned 20 about when I’m going to give them grandkids," he added. "I’ve already told them I don’t want kids and my sister is a lesbian so they’re really disappointed at this point. If they found out about the kid and that I was leaving they would be furious so I’m just not telling them.
"I still firmly don’t want kids. I just feel pity for the child, because it isn’t really their fault. I don’t exactly feel good about leaving the child on a moral level, but on a personal level of what is best for me I feel very confident in leaving.
"It’s certainly a selfish decision, but I’ve been very upfront with the fact that I’m a selfish person. I feel bad about it, but I’m putting myself and my own personal needs first in this situation by doing what I think is best for me." While some users sided with the man, others agreed with the woman, saying he needs to put the child ahead of his "selfish" wants and needs.
One user said: "It's a baby not a mattress! I feel for this woman, but this is a three-month relationship and she is devastated that this man doesn't want to be a father? It would be so much worse having him around when he's going to be angry, bitter, and resentful. Everything about this sucks, but talking him into it is the last thing she will want in five years".
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Another user added: "His ex is 100 per cent going to tell his parents. I’m surprised she hasn’t already, given she seems a little desperate. Maybe hasn’t thought of it yet. Definitely possible she hasn’t met them only three months in, but in this day and age, it wouldn’t be that tough to find them. He is unfortunately going to find out how good his relationship is with his family."
A third user said: "can not imagine telling somebody I've dated for three months 'You'd be such a good father'." One more user added: "The girlfriend is setting herself up for disappointment. She still believes he will come around and it won't be until her baby is born and he is not present will she realise he was serious all along."
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