'My girlfriend expects me to pay for a wedding abroad when I'm not even invited'
The etiquette surrounding weddings can be a fairly complicated thing - other than the universally accepted rule that you should never wear white unless explicitly instructed to by the bride and groom.
Beyond that, the rules of the day can seriously vary, with each couple choosing to set the pace of exactly how they want their special day to run. From child-free weddings, expensive stag or hen-dos, decidedly closed bars, to destination venues, it can, when it's at its worst, feel like you're jumping through an endless set of hoops for the soon-to-be newlyweds.
Even if you're incredibly keen to celebrate the couple's happiness, the arbitrary rules around plus ones can easily become a sore spot. For one man, it was a shock when he found himself left off the guest list when his girlfriend's cousin decided to get married in Italy, but it was even more of a shock when he started to realise that his girlfriend was expecting him to pay for her to attend the nuptials solo.
The man, who took to Reddit to explain his dilemma, shared that even though his girlfriend - who he shares a baby with - was set to be a bridesmaid at destination wedding in Italy, he still wasn't being invited as her plus one. He admitted he took this snub "quite personally" initially, before realising that it was almost certainly not to do with him, but just the couple trying to minimise costs.
He noted that while he was supportive of his girlfriend still attending without him, a number of the family had decided to boycott the event because they were so offended their partners had not been included. He also explained that because he is "not a huge wedding lover anyway," the couple had initially decided to merge the trip with a family holiday. "Our grand plan was to still travel to Italy and have a holiday out of it, myself and our little boy, who will be 1 year old, just exploring for the day she’s at the wedding. At this point, financially we were in quite a good place to do so," he explained.
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However, the couple's finances took a downturn as the wedding approached, with him leaving full-time employment to start his own business, and his girlfriend losing her job during her maternity leave. His girlfriend had used her redundancy payout to "pay off some debts and buy things for our baby" while his finances "have been covering the household bills, car finance, fuel etc, whilst I have a few small debts to pay off as well."
Their financial struggles were so much that they even had to sell his girlfriend's car and the couple had to make do with sharing his and he told his partner that a different holiday they had planned would be unlikely to go ahead. He added: "I've tried to raise my concerns with her over the last few months about the travel costs for the wedding but she's not really been responding. Then we got into an argument a few days ago where I raised it and she still hasn't discussed it with me because I honestly think she is expecting me to pay it.
"Had I have actually been invited to the wedding myself then I feel like things would be different, and we could compromise on some sort of cost or saved very harshly for it, but I feel quite put out whilst already in financial difficulty, paying for her just to go to a wedding, as otherwise if it wasn't for this wedding, we more than likely wouldn't have been planning a trip to Italy in the first place."
Commenters were quick to support the man when he asked for their opinion on whether he had been reasonable. "If you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. Your financial situation has had some major changes since you first made plans to go to Italy," wrote one.
Another said: "Your girlfriend is being incredibly selfish. I would let her get on with the travel planning but make it clear that you will not be contributing and that you will expect her to continue to cover whatever household costs she presently does. That you are more concerned about the security and stability of your family and are not interested in adding any additional debt to the relationship."
However, some commenters questioned why the man had given up secure employment right as he had his first child. "Your child was 1 month old when you quit your job, possibly you were also relying a bit on your girlfriend's job to help," noted one.
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