17 March 2023 , 18:45
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A heartbroken mother has told of how she no longer feels her daughter is resting in peace after a church "demolished" her baby's grave.
The 12th-century St Mary the Virgin church in Brading, on the Isle of Wight, has apologised for throwing items left on the baby's grave into bin bags without telling the mother, who was devastated upon finding the gravesite had been dismantled.
The church has a "little sign" to warn visitors against leaving "prohibited items" like teddy bears and artificial flowers to preserve its "image".
But there was no other warning before they threw sentimental items from the graves into bins and blue bin bags with names written in black marker for the families to rummage through.
A grieving mother visiting her baby daughter's grave, who wanted to remain anonymous, called it "disrespectful" and feels her daughter is no longer resting in peace.
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When she asked why they had done this, she was told it was for "the image of the church" - but she wishes they had just sent a letter instead.
Items on the graves started being removed at the beginning of the month. This is because they are on a list displayed at the church of "strictly prohibited" items.
The list reads: "Items strictly prohibited unless on a new grave, when items may be permitted for a period of up to 13 months".
Grave decorations in bins at the church in Brading (IOW County Press/Solent News)
Items on the graves started being removed at the beginning of the month (IOW County Press/Solent News)It also states that these items will be removed from the graves and "disposed of" twice a year, on the last days of February and August.
The Diocese of Portsmouth, which runs the church, has admitted it was wrong and apologised to the families but hasn't allowed the "trinkets" to be put back.
Items thrown in the bin bags include artificial flowers, teddy bears, windmills and wind chimes.
The Isle of Wight mother said: "They didn't say where they were going to leave the items. I feel like that should be for me to come down and do it. It's really disrespectful what they're doing.
"Why have they done it after so long?
"You can clearly see this is a baby as well. I'm not sure if someone complained, but you must be pretty bored if that's the case."
A number of her relatives are also laid to rest there. Her family has been visiting for many years to pay their respects, and during that time, they can't recall there being any restrictions on placing items on graves.
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The child's grandmother said the family is still in mourning, and it is "heartbreaking, annoying and disrespectful".
The child's grandmother said the family is still in mourning, and it is 'heartbreaking, annoying and disrespectful' (IOW County Press/Solent News)She said: "It's a kick in the teeth that they've done this without any prior warning.
"It's the fact that they've not informed us. They'd just done it. There's a little sign.
"It would have been nice to have that formal letter instead of just coming down and seeing the sign. My grandchild's grave has been demolished."
Steve Skelton, from Ryde, took to social media to air his anger, commenting: "Does it really matter what's left at a graveside to let loved ones cherish and remember the ones lost? Shame on you."
Meanwhile, Isle of Wight resident Deborah Powell believes if the church is concerned about its image, it should focus on the upkeep of the grounds instead of taking items from children's graves.
She posted: "Again, another example of the church taking it into their own hands to be disrespectful.
"If you have to pay for a plot, why not put a few things on it in respect for a loved one? You should be able to remember your loved ones in a way you want, that's personal to you and them.
"Maybe some of the graveyards should start cutting the overgrown grounds' grass and brambles, rather than remove a few keepsakes from a child's grave. That looks terrible and very disrespectful to the dead.
"Shame on you for removing the baby's stuff from its family and loved ones."
A spokesperson for the diocese said the Archdeacon of the Isle of Wight, Steve Daughtery, has apologised.
They said: "There are certain rules around what can and can't be placed in churchyards, and our parishes normally work alongside bereaved families to explain those rules and ensure everyone understands what is permitted.
"Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to have happened on this occasion.
"The parish created the sign in the churchyard last year with the best of intentions, but of course, it would have been more sensitive to speak to the family directly at that point.
"Our Archdeacon has discussed this matter with the family and has outlined the options for the way forward.
"We understand that the items left around the grave have not been disposed of, but have been returned to the family."