18 October 2023 , 13:16
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Trust is an important component of a relationship, and you should be able to trust your partner on their phone without feeling the need to check their texts. But sometimes, you may be using their phone for totally innocent reasons and something that raises a "red flag" may pop up that you feel the need to quickly investigate. You may also accidentally press the wrong app button, which may lead to more questions than answers.
A woman was left horrified when she noticed that her husband had missed calls from a female co-worker. And when she looked on their text thread, most of the texts were totally normal - but she suddenly came across one her husband had sent that read: "Not deflated just not as firm as before lol for obvious reasons. I'll still suck on them tho."
She took to Reddit to ask for advice on what to do, wondering whether others had been through something similar. She wrote: "My husband and I have been married for two years. We've been together for five years in total. Recently, we attended a baby shower. There was a professional photographer there and it took a few days before we got our pictures. Once the pictures were ready, they were sent to his phone. I asked my husband if I could borrow his phone to post the pictures on my Instagram.
"While on his phone, I intended to click the photo icon but clicked the phone icon instead which was right next to it. This opened up his call log and I saw that back to back he had gotten calls from his coworker, M (26f). This raised a red flag so I went to their messages and started scrolling. The majority of the text messages were normal. Talking about work and life. But then I saw one message. M was basically venting to him that at work someone had commented on her breastfeeding breasts calling them saggy and deflated which made her feel upset. There was no following message though. Like if his response was deleted. I go through his deleted texts and I see his response. My husband responded with: 'Not deflated just not as firm as before lol for obvious reasons. I'll still suck on them tho'."
The horrified wife wrote: "My heart dropped to my stomach. I immediately thought 'he's cheating on me'. I walked over to him and threw the phone at his face. I yelled at him 'you're cheating on me with M?!?' He tried calming me down and explaining himself. He said he didn't mean it, and that that's how everyone talks in the office. It's not constant every day, but dirty jokes are made here and there and everyone just laughs and walks away. He said he felt comfortable enough joking around with her like that because he knows that 1) she knows he's not serious and 2) she doesn't want him in that way either."
'I don't want children staying up late at weekends - I really need adult time'
His wife then saw a flaw in his argument and asked him why, if it was innocent, he'd decided to delete it - and he admitted that he'd taken the banter too far and it was "too much." She decided to text M, and she responded by saying 'There is more context to the text message from the previous day's work and that's what you reading. Ever since I had the baby everyone's making daily comments about my body. There was a comment made about my breastfeeding boobs and I took it really hard. Usually, things don't bother me because that's just the banter we have at work but the postpartum is getting to me. I truly don't think he meant anything by it and I didn't take it in that manner. Hence I said I wanted to talk to him because I was really upset.'
"Whether he meant it or not, my husband still told another woman he would suck on her breasts", the woman fumed. "Ask me 5 years ago what I would do in this situation and I would have immediately said 'divorce!' because of how disrespectful and embarrassing that is! But now I don't know what to do. I love him but I'm so heartbroken. He realized how heartbroken I am and has cut off all contact with M, quit his job, and found another. Has anyone been in a similar situation before? Were you able to work through it?"
In the comments, people were horrified at the way the man had spoken to his colleague. One wrote: "That's so degrading. Yuck." Another fumed: "I want to know what kind of office it is where this type of nonsense is okay?" Someone else responded: "You don't have to because it doesn't exist. They are covering up their affair with this whack story."
A Redditor raged: "The original poster is missing the point here. Maybe he never physically did anything with this woman but he willfully is sexually harassing her with everyone at work. He's disgusting and disrespectful."