24 August 2023 , 16:52
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Dear Coleen
I’ve been with my boyfriend for six years now and, while I love him, the sexual side of things has become infrequent and really boring. I’m 28 and he’s 32, which is no age gap at all, but it feels like a chasm at the moment. He’s quite set in his ways and all he’s interested in is work.
It’s like he’s forgotten how to have fun. There’s this other guy I used to work with, who left the company several months ago. He’s been in touch with me and our texts have become really flirty and a bit naughty. I always found him very attractive and I know he fancies me, too. The thing is, he’s married with two children, so I know it’s wrong to start anything with him.
I suppose I’ve always felt we’d make a great couple if circumstances were different because we also see things the same way and connect on so many different levels. You don’t have to tell me I’m playing with fire, but if I feel like this, surely there must be something in it and maybe we are meant to be together?
Coleen says
You can make the decision now to avoid all the stress and heartache that’s coming down the line by not getting involved with this man. Until his marriage is over and he’s free to date whoever he wants, you should put an end to the flirty messages. And what about your boyfriend? You’re in an exclusive relationship, too, but don’t seem to be factoring that into the equation.
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Much of the attraction you feel for this guy could be because sleeping with him is wrong and that makes it exciting. Also, your own relationship desperately needs some attention and you feel bored and unfulfilled, so that’s probably another reason this guy seems so appealing.
You say you love your partner, so why aren’t you working on your relationship? It takes two of you to make the magic happen, so I don’t think you can blame just him for things being dull. What are you doing to inject some fun into it? You’ve invested a lot of yourself in this relationship over the years, so are you really prepared to blow it up without even trying to make things better? An affair with someone who’s married with a family is never, ever the answer. Be honest with your boyfriend about what you feel is lacking before it’s too late.