11 February 2023 , 21:00
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When her best friend was killed by her evil ex-partner, Julia McKee was devastated.
Her pal Sarah Henshaw was a social worker who spent her life selflessly helping others – and Julia was determined to continue that legacy.
The keen runner is now on a mission to raise awareness about the signs of domestic abuse, and hopes her actions will help save lives.
Julia, 50, said of Sarah’s death: “I feel so guilty that I couldn’t stop it happening.
“I knew Sarah was in a bad relationship, but I never saw it coming.
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“Sarah was working with people in abusive relationships day in, day out. She was absolutely brilliant.
“And yet this happened to her. That has been the biggest learning curve. It can happen to anybody.
Julia plans to run a half marathon in memory of her best friend Sarah (Julia Gifford-Moore)“And it’s not just their life that is taken away – it’s the people who loved them too. Our lives will never be the same.”
Sarah, 40, was killed by Kileo Mbega four years ago today.
The brute, who had been in a relationship with Sarah, attacked her with a claw hammer and strangled her as she slept. The pair had split up two months earlier but big-hearted Sarah continued to live at the flat they shared as she was worried by his threats of suicide.
Mbega, who was 32 when he was jailed for life in 2019, killed Sarah at their flat in Leeds after she confronted him about using her bank card without permission.
Julia, who met Sarah at work as a newly qualified child protection social worker in 2000, said: “I try not to feel anger. Instead, I just want to do absolutely everything I can to help other women.
The mum bravely spoke about her guilt, as she was unable to stop it from happening (©Stan Kujawa)“Sarah was not a survivor and I will keep on telling her story in the hope that it saves other women.
“The message I have is to be aware of what the signs are – because I couldn’t see them and they were right there in front of me.”
Research by Dr Jane Monckton has revealed an eight-stage pattern of controlling behaviour in more than 370 domestic killings in the UK. Mum-of-two Julia, from Iver Heath, Bucks, is keen to spread the word about what to look out for.
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She said: “Sarah went through every single stage before her death.
“If I had been able to tell her about this research, she might have started to think differently.” Sarah first met Mbega in 2004 after doing charity work in his home country of Tanzania – and the trip even inspired her to set up her own charity for orphaned children.
The pair started dating in 2016 after Mbega moved to the UK.
Since Sarah’s death, her family and friends have raised more than £27,000 for charity and for Julia, running has been a big healer.
In 2021, she ran a half marathon every month and in September, she plans to tackle the Great North Run in a bid to raise awareness of domestic abuse. Julia, deputy manager of a fos-tering team, said: “Saving other women like Sarah… that’s my purpose in life now. Sarah might be gone but through my running, I want to keep her memory alive.”
The red flags
1. A history of stalking or abuse by the perpetrator
2. The romance soon developing into a serious relationship
3. The relationship becoming dominated by coercive control
4. A trigger to threaten control, such as the relationship ending or getting into financial difficulty
5. More intense control tactics, such as threatening suicide
6. The perpetrator has a change in thinking, choosing to move on
7. They buy weapons or seek chances to get the victim alone
8. They kill his or her partner and possibly others, like their children
To support Julia’s fundraising please visit: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/julia-mckee2
The ballot for the AJ Bell Great North Run is currently open and will close on Monday 20 February at 10am. For more information or to enter visit greatrun.org