12 March 2024 , 18:12
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Dear Coleen
I would love your opinion on my husband, who is very secretive about his finances.
I’ve always thought that we should have a joint bank account and it really annoys me that we don’t. But I haven’t pressured him on this, as he can have a vile temper, even though I have mentioned it from time to time over the years.
The other thing is, I know he has some money because, when his mum passed away six years ago, she left the family a four-bedroom house in London.
He’s never discussed this sum of money with me, so I have no idea how much it is or what his plans are for it.
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It’s not that I want to take his money off him, but I would like a joint account to feel we’re on an equal footing.
We are both pensioners. He he gives me a small amount for the housekeeping each week, and I also have a small pension of my own.
I never ask him for any money for anything, but he’s so tight it’s embarrassing. What do you think I should do?
Coleen says
Money can be a very thorny subject for couples. I guess what I’d like to ask is, why is this joint account so important to you now after going all these years without one?
However, I understand this is about how you “feel”. I hate asking for money (I’m sure that most people do).
If you did have a joint account where you both deposited your pensions and the housekeeping along with money for holidays or anything you need for the house, that seems a very sensible option to me. So, perhaps suggest this, but you must try to keep the conversation calm.
Explain that you don’t like being handed money because it makes you feel like the housekeeper getting her wages.
Be honest that it seems to you to be a bit controlling.
And also ask him what his issues are – why would he object to such a sensible solution other than habit? Let’s be honest, you’re not 22 and after him for his money!
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In a relationship, it’s rare that two people have the same amount of money and this is where the problems can start. But in a long-term relationship, circumstances can change over the years and partners often swap roles.
It’s about pulling together as a team.
Only your husband can tell you why he’s so opposed to a joint account. Maybe you just need to reassure him that you’re not going to run off to Acapulco with both your pensions.
Good luck.