23 February 2024 , 10:14
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Nothing adds to the stress of life quite as much as a lack of sleep, and with many couples having different work schedules or clashing over when to hit the hay, the bedroom can often become a real source of angst.
With sleep so essential to our wellbeing, more and more of us are opting for unromantic separate beds - but could this 'sleep divorce' really be the simple key to save your relationship?
The pressure to rack-up the required eight hours of kip a night has never been higher, so it's hardly surprising that many of us are opting to sleep alone these days.
And this concept of 'sleep divorce' is gaining in popularity. On TikTok, the hashtag 'separate beds' has amassed a whopping 2.6 million views, while 'sleep divorce' has garnered more than 950,000 views. A viral TikTok video by user @matt_and_abby delves into why the couple chose to pursue a temporary sleep divorce at the age of 24, following the arrival of their baby. The video sparked a huge debate in the comments, with some users advocating for normalising separate beds, while others believe it signifies trouble in the relationship.
Kora Habinakova, a sleep expert at , says a sleep divorce is a divisive topic and often people associate it with the crumbling of a relationship, however, this is not the case.
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She says: "Sharing a bed with someone can often lead to a restless night's sleep and a sleep divorce may actually be the key to helping your relationship. A consistently poor sleep pattern can cause irritability, mood swings and impaired communication and problem-solving, all of which can put a strain on your relationship. So, if you find yourself losing sleep due to you or your partner's habits, sleeping separately could be the perfect way to help both of you feel more rested and actually reduce conflict.”
Everything you need to know about a sleep divorce
Here, Kora answers all your questions about the new craze:
What actually is a 'sleep divorce'?
A sleep divorce is where a couple chooses to sleep separately despite living in the same home. There are a few ways to sleep divorce, from sleeping in separate beds in the same bedroom to sleeping in completely separate bedrooms. Sleep is precious, so a sleep divorce may be a good option if you or your partner:
Have different sleeping patterns
Are light sleepers
Are restless sleepers
Prefer different temperatures
Snore
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Have young children
Have sleep apnea
How to implement a sleep divorce
Many couples choose just to implement a sleep divorce during the work week when routines are more rigid and work deadlines require a full night's sleep, returning to the same bedroom on the weekend when life is a bit more flexible. When taking part in a sleep divorce it is also important to place an emphasis on pre-sleep rituals, whether that's sitting down to watch your favourite show or taking the time to have dinner together, to maintain intimacy and closeness. When initiating a sleep divorce it is important to approach the conversation with an open mind and empathy.
Tips for couples who still want to sleep in the same bedroom
Having two beds in the same room is a good way to initiate a sleep divorce while also remaining in the same bedroom. This type of sleep divorce is perfect for anyone struggling with a partner's restlessness in bed, however, it may not be suitable for couples with different sleeping patterns or if the issue at hand is snoring.
How can couples remain intimate with a sleep divorce?
There are many ways that you can maintain intimacy while implementing a sleep divorce, and many find that the divorce actually helps with intimacy, as each partner is more well-rested and less irritable. The main tip is to prioritise your time, this can range from having a meal or spending time in bed together before heading off to your separate beds. Many couples find that they only need sleep divorce during the working week when life is a bit more hectic, and that returning to the same bed on the weekend when they have more leisure time is a good way to balance both sleep and intimacy.
A sleep divorce may not be for everyone, but if you find your lack of sleep negatively impacts your relationship try implementing it for a few weeks. If this doesn’t resolve your sleep issues, consider contacting a healthcare professional, who can recommend further solutions.
What people are saying about the idea
Many took to Reddit to discuss the sleep divorce craze.
Gradience711 posted: "Without sleep no one is happy. If you both sleep solid away from each other do it. It will be good for both of you."
LoveMoreGlitter: "Married for 25 years. We've been sleeping separately for about two years for a couple of different reasons. Generally, we sleep separately during the week when we need better sleep. We sleep together on Friday and Saturday nights."
Normalhumanstuff said: "My grandparents slept in separate bedrooms and were married for almost 60 years before my grandfather passed. It’s actually pretty common. Would you throw an entire relationship away just because you have to sleep in separate bedrooms?"