11 January 2024 , 17:18
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Dear Coleen
I’m a single guy aged 60. I divorced 10 years ago and have two grown-up kids with my ex-wife. Since the divorce I’ve had a couple of relationships, but nothing serious. However, I’ve met a woman where I work, who I think I’m in love with. We’ve struck up a good friendship, but she’s nearly 20 years younger than I am and is quite recently divorced.
She’s confided in me quite a lot about how she’s coping with her two kids. Recently, we’ve gone on a couple of dates. Well, when I say dates, it’s been just the two of us for an informal drink after work. I felt we were getting on well and had chemistry, but she seemed to recoil a bit when I told her my age.
I think she assumed I was a lot younger as I’m fit, have a youthful attitude and all my hair! I realise she probably wants to take things slow, but I did suggest taking her away one weekend to explore the Cotswolds, as we both love the area. However, she didn’t respond and she still hasn’t. Do you think I’ve come on too strong and scared her off or is she freaked out by the age gap, and what do you think I should do from here?
Coleen says
Well, age difference could be a factor, but it might also be to do with the fact that she’s barely divorced and still coming to terms with it all and adjusting to her new life. A romantic weekend away feels like jumping the gun to me. Maybe she does like you, but this all feels too soon, so she doesn’t know how to respond.
My advice would be to slow down and don’t suggest any more weekends away, and give her some space. I think suggesting a coffee or lunch is fine, but maybe focus more on getting to know each other better away from work. Can you really say you’re in love with her after a couple of heartfelt conversations and a few drinks after work?
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It sounds like she’s enjoying your friendship and having someone to go out with and set the world to rights, but it’s a big leap for her right now to strike up a romance. See how things progress and develop – just let it unfold naturally without any pressure on either of you. She obviously knows how you feel about her, so if you’re patient and a good friend, and find you have things in common, it might lead to a relationship. But, if you rush things it may put her off for good.