08 December 2023 , 14:05
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Children of all ages can frustrate their parents when they're misbehaving. It takes great patience and skill to meet the child or teen's bad behavior in a measured yet fair manner. What's more, parents risk squabbles and resentment from their kids over punishments.
A parenting expert has revealed her clever discipline hack that 'deescalates tempers' and works on children of all ages — especially teens. Nik Bowers, a Texas-based author and former principal, has worked with kids from preschool to college for over 20 years and specializes in middle school education.
The mum-of-two daughters opens up about her experiences and shares parenting advice on TikTok, where she has more than 11,000 followers. “You are going to love this parenting hack, and you are going to need to save it. No matter how old your kids are this will work,' she began her nearly minute-long video.
Nik warned against deciding on a punishment in the heat of the moment, which can cause anger and resentment. She said the first thing you should do when disciplining your child is, 'pause, step back, and think it through.' "Then you're actually going to give them a choice in the consequence,” she explained before listing some examples.
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“You can say, "Well, do you want to do four hours of chores or lose your driving privileges? Do you want to miss this party or do you want to lose technology for a weekend?"' When you give your child a choice in the consequences for their actions, they are less likely to argue with you over their punishment, according to Nik.
“When they do complain about it or whatever it's like, "Okay, well, you chose,"' the parenting expert said. “It actually can deescalate the situation because just that small amount of choice isn't a bad thing. Give it a try and let me know how it goes,” she concluded.
Nik has been open about her upbringing and how it influenced her as a mother. Raising Beautiful Messes, her new book is centered around helping other women better understand themselves to in turn create better connections with their children.
In another TikTok video, she discussed the moment she observed her parenting approach needed to change. Nik described a meeting with a kid who was bullying another girl and her mother during her first year as a middle school principal.
The former principal recalled how the mum started cursing at her daughter and calling her names, which reminded her of her own childhood. “I recognized her contempt, her language, her body language, just everything that she was doing, and then I also recognized the fear in that child, the embarrassment, and the longing for her mum to see her,” she said.
“I knew I had been that daughter many many times in my life, but I also knew as a mum that I had responded that way too, and that made me sick to my stomach.” The experience led her to reflect on her own childhood trauma and improve her parenting style so that her girls would no longer fear her.
“That was the day that I decided the cycle would end with me, and I would do what I had to do in order to have an amazing relationship with my children,” she said. Parents and teachers on TikTok were blown away by her parenting tips, one wrote in the comments, “I feel like this could even be applied to the classroom with success. Thanks for the idea.” Another said, “I frickin love this thank you!”