02 November 2023 , 17:59
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Derren Brown still replays the awkward evening over and over in his head at 4am, when insomnia strikes.
It’s been five years, but his brain refuses to let go, sending tendrils of cold dread down his spine when he should be fast asleep: Hillary Clinton’s eyes boring into him as he stares back, completely unable to speak. It had started off so well. The one-time presidential candidate had joined her husband, ex-President Bill, for a night at Derren’s Broadway show.
Impressed by his blend of magic and psychological illusion, she insisted he join them for dinner in New York City afterwards. High on the adrenaline of the show, Derren was on top form and the conversation flowed like a silk handkerchief from a top hat. “It was amazing,” he recalls. “And some time afterwards they invited me out again, and that time I was like a little kid. I didn’t know what to say, and they couldn’t have been any sweeter and warmer.
Bill and Hillary Clinton (EPA)“It was horrible. I don’t have massive social anxiety in particular, or feel I’m dysfunctional with it. It’s not that you don’t want to connect, you do, but there’s something that’s making it difficult.” It’s only in the last couple of months since working on his new show, Unbelievable, that the 52-year-old illusionist has stopped being consumed by late-night thoughts of the Clintons.
He says: “It’s so easy afterwards to look back and say, ‘oh I should have asked her, how does it feel having Trump as president? What’s it like being you ? But you can’t ask that!” It seems Derren is, fundamentally, just like the rest of us. He admits to suffering from imposter syndrome and feels awkward in new situations.
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Big showbiz parties are his worst nightmare – “all those big personalities in one room, it’s exhausting”. For a man who has made his career in convincing people to have faith in him and his illusions, it’s somewhat baffling to learn he’s his own biggest self-doubter. “A lot of people get into magic because they feel a bit under-confident or shy, because it is about impressing people,” he ponders. “It’s a great crutch. I’m sure that’s why I got into hypnosis when I was younger.”
The cast of Unbelievable on stageDerren’s life before magic has been well-documented in his books. Raised in Purley, south London, by Chris and Bob Brown, Derren struggled with his sexuality during his teenage years but came out aged 31 after finding fame, revealing he was in a relationship with a designer named Marc, which ended after eight years.
Now in his second long-term relationship, Derren and his partner share a home and two dogs : beagle basset Doodle, and Tibetan terrier Humbug. Derren is responsible for taking the bins out. “I was told quite clearly, ‘it’s bin day’,” he grins. “It’s about your different love languages, isn’t it – cleanliness and tidiness are big things for him, while I love a cluttered room with a messy desk.
“So although sometimes I find it annoying or silly, for him that’s important, it means something to him. So I take the bins out, even if I did take them out last time… and my love language is to be given space to paint and read and write, which wouldn’t come intuitively to him. Hopefully I’ll get that in return.”
Derren onstage in Showman (Photo by Mark Douet)Having a mind that is constantly working on the next big thing – whether that be hijacking the National Lottery to correctly predict the winning numbers, discharging a pistol into his temple in a televised game of Russian Roulette or appearing to contact the dead through live on camera – means Derren’s solitary hobbies balance out the mania of his professional life.
He collects ethically sourced taxidermy –other people’s dead pets, or zoo animals that have died of natural causes – which get dusted with a cordless leaf-blower once a week. His book pile never gets shorter, while his caricatures of celebrities are meticulously painted before being put up for sale. His mounted canvas Donald Trump, head blown up to monstrous proportions, sold for £1,000 – but prints are still available.
His new show has taken him far out of his comfort zone. Unbelievable, which he co-directs but doesn’t appear in, is described as “the magic show I’ve always wanted to see” and has hit London’s West End. Featuring a live band and several performers who use illusion and trickery, the show has been far more nerve-racking than Derren had imagined. He grimaces. “It’s one thing being on stage when things go wrong – I’ve done it for so long, you feel a certain amount of control over it.
Simon Lipkin wows a member of the audience in Derren's new show Unbelievable“It’s definitely worse, it turns out, being in the audience watching something fall apart, feeling responsible for it, and you can’t help or do anything.” Derren says his ultimate goal is to find meaning in his existence. “We all want to be better versions of ourselves,” he points out. “Happiness comes from finding meaning, which is about finding something bigger than yourself and losing yourself, throwing yourself into that thing.”
* ‘Unbelievable’ is at the Criterion Theatre, Piccadilly, London, until April 7 2024, unbelievablelive.com