13 October 2023 , 16:23
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When Suzanne Kamata moved to Japan and ended up staying to get married and have a family, she was in for a shock over the parenting standards expected from her.
She had twins, one of which, her daughter, was deaf and she wanted her children to be bilingual, so proceeded to do what she would have done at home – arranged playdates with other bicultural kids. Read them picture books featuring bicultural characters and wrote and published stories for them about half-Japanese kids in Japan. She introduced them to American foods, such as mac and cheese, and cultural traditions, such as Easter egg hunting.
The author said on Insider.com: "I came to Japan to teach English for one year on a government-sponsored program. I decided to stay for a second year, during which I met the Japanese high school PE teacher who would become my husband. Since he was entitled to lifetime employment and, as the only son, was responsible for his parents, we remained in Japan. Seven years later, I gave birth to our twins.
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"I had decided early on that I would stay home and take care of our babies. I wanted them to grow up bilingually with an awareness of American culture. Living in a conservative corner of Japan, they might not feel as if they fit in, but I wanted them to be proud of their origins.
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"I arranged playdates with other bicultural kids. I read them picture books featuring bicultural characters and wrote and published stories for them about half-Japanese kids in Japan. I introduced them to American foods, like mac and cheese, and cultural traditions, such as Easter egg hunting."
But the problems began when her children started school and she was made to feel that she was doing everything wrong. She enrolled her daughter at the School for the Deaf and accompanied her there for her first day, taking along what she thought would be a healthy packed lunch – a sandwich, potato chips, fruit and cookies in a lunch box featuring a character from an American cartoon her daughter enjoyed.
However, a fellow mum immediately pulled her up about that choice, she explained: "'Isn't that junk food?' another mother asked. She had prepared a bento with rice moulded into a Japanese cartoon character, tiny sausages cut into octopus shapes, and carrots that looked like flowers. 'You don't give your kids soda pop, do you?'
"After my son's first day of school, I attended a PTA meeting at which the homeroom teacher advised us to praise and hug our children. 'Touching is important', she said. I had no problem with that. I was doing it already. But I soon learned that all of the other mothers had already enrolled their kids in cram schools (Juku). Mine was the only one who didn't know how to read and write and do basic math.
"I kept forgetting the things they needed to bring. Not only were my kids poorly nourished and badly educated — by Japanese standards — they were also very forgetful. Or, rather, I was forgetful. Here's what my son was supposed to remember to bring to school that same day: Various textbooks and notebooks, pencils, eraser, ruler, etc, school T-shirt, school shorts, hat, lunch, thermos, bathing suit, bathing cap, goggles, towel, pool card. He forgot his hat.
"The teachers always said that forgetfulness boded ill for the future. I'm not sure what they imagined would happen if they didn't remember everything every day, but I do know many Japanese adults who forget things. In spite of these shortcomings and more, I am happy to report that my kids have emerged from childhood in Japan relatively unscathed. They are now happy, well-adjusted young adults pursuing their dreams, as they occasionally eat mac and cheese, read many books, and forget things."