05 October 2023 , 12:10
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As a parent you know to love your children equally and treat them the same and you expect your parents to take the same approach with their grandchildren. But what if you discovered your parents were giving preferential treatment to their other grandchildren, and treating your own children differently?
One woman had noticed that her children were being treated differently to their cousins, but thought it was all in her head and did not mention it. Then her eight-year-old niece asked her a heartbreaking question which left her absolutely fuming at her mother. She took to Kidspot to share her story.
"Why does Nanny treat us differently from the other cousins?" the little girl asked. Shocked, all the woman could say was "she loves you all very much." Yet after her niece asked this question, her mum's preferential treatment towards her other grandchildren became incredibly obvious.
"Since then, it's only got worse to the point where one of the grandchildren was sent home from a sleepover for being 'difficult'", she explained. "Of course, Nanny would never admit that she treats them differently. I don't even think she realises that's it's happening. It's not even one particular thing that she does or one thing she says, it's a build up of so many passive aggressive words, unnecessary reactions and half of the kids unknowingly having to walk on eggshells."
Meanwhile, the favourite grandchildren get treated "like God's angels themselves" and no harm can be done. She said: "I almost guarantee that if they didn't like the bed that Nanny had set up, she would change it all just for them. She would bend over backwards to make them comfortable."
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The woman pointed out that if her kids or some of her nieces made a similar complaint, "there would be a lot of anger, frustration, and 'under the breath comments'. I've heard her call them ungrateful on multiple occasions. And all of us adult siblings can see it happening to our kids."
Frustrated by the situation, she and her siblings have tried speaking to their mum about the clear favouritism going on but "she doesn't see it and then goes to ask for a specific example of what happened and then denies it. But to us, and now even the kids, it's so damn clear and obvious."
She's realised that a lot of grandmas do this though. "I've got a friend who has completely cut her mum out of her life because of it. She does not want her children to be bullied by their own grandparents. And I think it's completely fair enough." Posting anonymously to a Facebook group, she received a barrage of support as many other people have struggled with this. One child educator commented on the post saying "children will not understand that it's just the grandparent being unfair and downright mean, the children will internalise that there is something wrong with them."
Realising that her mum may not realise the impact her favouritism is having, the woman realised she needs to set boundaries. "I'm not sure what kind of boundaries yet, but I know I need to do something. I'm not going to sit back and watch this bullying happen to my kids."
She had an important message to other parents struggling with grandparent favouritism: "you are not alone. This is not okay. And it's okay to make a change to stop this. I need to fight for my kids' feelings. For their self-confidence. I am their champion, their protector. I know them best and it is my job to guide them through this life, showing them what kind of behaviour is normal and kind, and highlighting what is not okay."
Have you noticed your parents have favourite grandchildren? Let us know in the comments.