13 February 2023 , 16:08
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Dear Coleen
Unfortunately, I’ve recently discovered that a good friend’s husband is having an affair with someone at his work and I don’t know what to do about it for the best.
They have two children together and I always thought they had a solid marriage.
I’m pretty sure my friend has no idea what her husband is up to, in fact, she’s always so nice about him, saying what a good husband and father he is.
I’ve got to be honest, I’m really shocked, as my friend is so attractive and, from the outside, they seem to have it all.
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The thing is, I’ve been in a similar situation before when I thought my sister-in-law was having a thing with another man. I did end up telling my brother, all hell broke loose, and it turned out that it wasn’t an affair and I’d got the wrong end of the stick.
I obviously don’t want to make that mistake again! However, I truly believe my friend’s hubby is cheating, as I know someone who works closely with them, and I hate to think of her being hurt like this.
What would you do in this situation?
Coleen says
You have to be very careful about things you hear through the grapevine. You’ve been burned once already when you were wrong about your sister-in-law. Yes, this guy might be flirting at work, but it doesn’t mean he’s having an affair.
If I were you, I’d probably try to have a word with him and just tell him what you’ve heard. Something like, “I don’t know if this is true but, if it is, I can’t pretend I don’t know about it. And if I know, then the chances are your wife will find out, so it’s better coming from you if it is true”.
It’s a tricky situation because if you told your friend what you’ve heard, as the messenger you might get shot! She could feel defensive and angry, and your friendship might not recover.
Equally, if she finds out you knew and didn’t tell her, again, your friendship might be over. But in the latter case, you could explain you’d heard a rumour, but hadn’t seen it with own eyes, so you didn’t want to be wrong.
But I have a feeling that if you talk to him and it’s true, and he knows the cat is out of the bag, he’ll either come clean and tell his wife or end his affair.