04 April 2023 , 19:38
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Dear Coleen
I’m a man in my early 30s and I’ve never felt this lost and heartbroken before.
I’ve recently split with my girlfriend after 18 months of being together. She discovered she was pregnant and decided she didn’t want to keep the baby, which made her realise she didn’t want to stay with me.
I feel broken on every level. I’m still in love with her and hoped we’d get married one day and have a family. She’s a couple of years younger than I am and said she didn’t feel ready to have a baby and didn’t know whether she’d ever be ready.
Of course I accept it’s her body and her decision, but she didn’t even want to discuss the baby or hear my point of view. Her mind was made up from the start.
So, I’ve gone from being in a relationship and a father-to-be to absolutely nothing.
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She thinks it’s best if we make a clean break and don’t contact each other for a while, but all I want to do is pick up the phone and talk to her.
Please tell me this gets better and I’d appreciate any advice you have on how I can move forward and feel happier.
Coleen says
It’s really hard because you’re grieving on many levels – the end of a relationship, the loss of a child and also your hopes and dreams for the future. You’re right, it is her body and her decision, and if that’s what she wants, then you have to accept it. It sounds as if getting pregnant was an unexpected wake-up call and it’s made her rethink a lot of things, including your relationship.
It’s important to fill your life with positive things, which is hard at first, but I think counselling would help. Just sharing how you feel with a counsellor can be enough to help you begin to move forward.
I can promise you it does get better with time and support from friends and loved ones. Also, the alternative scenario might have been equally heartbreaking – she could have decided to have the baby, but not to stay with you.
The decision has been made and, as harsh as she sounds, not wanting to speak or meet up, she’s probably right.
What’s the point? It would just hurt you more and stop you moving on.
Remember, she’s going through a lot too, and at some point down the line, she might want to rekindle your friendship or even a romance, but it’s important you move forward with your own life.