09 March 2024 , 18:23
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New mum Zoe Thomas hugs her adorable baby daughter close, over the moon to be able to enjoy Mother’s Day at last.
For years, after losing four babies in early pregnancy and nearly dying as a result, Mothering Sunday was a real struggle as Zoe faced the heart-rending prospect of never becoming a parent. Often she was too depressed to even see her own mum Val, who she adores. So today, two weeks after little Penny was born, Zoe and husband Dan are thrilled that they can finally celebrate.
She says: “It feels surreal that I’m a mum now, like all that pain was somehow worth it. More than anything I’m looking forward to a lovely brunch with Penny and my mum today for Mother’s Day, then a nice stroll around the park with Dan and our gorgeous daughter.”
Marketing executive Zoe, 33, and events account director Dan, 35, met in 2016 and, both sure they wanted a family, were very quickly discussing wedding venues and baby names. By 2019 they were trying to conceive. When it hadn’t happened after a year they went for tests. Relieved the results suggested nothing was wrong, they kept trying.
They married in 2021 and still Zoe didn’t become pregnant. So in February 2022 they made an appointment to discuss IVF – when, to their delight, a pregnancy test came back positive. Zoe says: “The moment we’d started down the IVF route, we’d fallen pregnant naturally.”
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Zoe suffered four miscarriages over three years (DAILY MIRROR)But a couple of days later she started bleeding heavily. At A&E tests showed her HCG hormone levels were too low to sustain a baby. Zoe says: “Losing that first baby was horrific, having been so excited just days before.” Physically, she recovered within a few weeks, but the mental and emotional trauma lasted much longer.
“It felt like three years of trying were for nothing, I’d failed yet again,” Zoe says. For support, she turned to Tommy’s, the baby loss and pregnancy charity – and, after receiving emails from its bereavement midwives, found the courage to carry on. The couple’s IVF doctor recommended trying naturally for a bit longer – and by April Zoe was pregnant again. Hopeful that this second time things would work out, Zoe and Dan bought a rainbow babygro (rainbows symbolise babies born after miscarriage).
Sadly, five weeks in, she experienced the same pain and bleeding as before. Doctors at Liverpool Women’s Hospital said it could be an ectopic pregnancy, when a fertilised egg implants outside of the womb, meaning the baby won’t survive and the mother can be at risk. After being told they couldn’t change anything, Zoe and Dan took a planned trip to Italy for her birthday. On the way home, she started really bleeding heavily and Dan took her to A&E. Her left Fallopian tube had ruptured, and she needed emergency surgery to remove the baby and the tube.
Zoe Thomas and her husband Dan with their daughter Penny (PP.)Zoe says: “I was told if we’d left it any longer, I could’ve died from the blood loss. I lay in that hospital bed, crying into my rainbow babygro, wondering if we should just call it a day. On top of everything else, I’d almost left Dan a widower.” Zoe’s Fallopian tube had been blocked all along, which was why she had trouble getting pregnant. Told they now had just a 5% chance of conceiving naturally, in July the couple started IVF, which produced four viable embryos.
One was implanted, and in September a test was positive. Anxious, Zoe tested daily, but the two lines kept fading and at five weeks she miscarried. Certain there was something wrong, Zoe scoured the Tommy’s website for information and asked for more tests. She was diagnosed with a rare blood clotting disorder called antiphospholipid syndrome, or APS, which can stop oxygenated, nutrient-rich blood from reaching an embryo.
“It was a massive lightbulb moment,” Zoe says. “Finally, I knew what was happening and was supported by other mums on Tommy’s Facebook page, telling me not to give up hope.” She was given blood-thinning Clexane injections – and against all odds fell pregnant naturally. But an eight-week scan revealed it was an unviable molar pregnancy – in which two sperm fertilise one egg – and in early November she had a procedure to remove a fourth baby.
Zoe says: “Those were the worst three days of my life, crying in hospital, clutching that tear-stained rainbow babygro.” Unable to sleep and having panic attacks, she feared she was no longer the fun person Dan had married. Therapy for PTSD and monthly meetings with a miscarriage GP gradually helped her to recover – but Mother’s Day last year was awful. Zoe continued: “I declined yet again an invite from my mum to meet up, as I knew I’d just have another breakdown. I’d let my mum down, I’d let Dan down, I’d let our babies down.”
The couple, who live in Ellesmere Port, Cheshire, decided to try a final time, and last May used one of their saved IVF embryos. In June, and after spending £18,000 on IVF, a pregnancy test was positive. Terrified that history would repeat itself, Zoe tested another 50 times. She says: “It wasn’t until after the 20-week scan, where we found out the baby’s sex, that we dared to hope.”
She’s now looking forward to spending her first Mother’s Day as a mum (DAILY MIRROR)At 25 weeks, she felt Penny’s first kick and the couple finally felt able to shop for a cot and baby clothes and to paint the nursery. Throughout the pregnancy Zoe was on edge and carried on with counselling through the Silver Birch perinatal trauma specialist team. She also had a peer support worker and a specialist bereavement midwife.
Zoe was originally given a due date of today. She says: “When I was told I might become a mum on Mother’s Day, the one day of the year I’d hated more than any other, I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry!” In the event, 8oz 3lb Penny was delivered early because of Zoe’s previous history of high blood pressure and anxiety. And on February 23, the babygro, printed with the words “Always look for a rainbow”, finally had a baby to wear it.
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Dan says: “It’s been such a long, hard road, but seeing our gorgeous daughter in our arms is priceless. This Mother’s Day I’ll be spoiling my girls like they’re princesses.” Zoe, who is backing Tommy’s We See A Mum Mother’s Day campaign which offers support to women who have lost babies, adds: “I’ll always think of my angel babies on Mother’s Day and how they gave me the strength and hope to keep trying.
“I want to tell any mums out there that you’re not alone, whether or not you’ve lost a child, and to reach out for support. I can’t thank all those amazing counsellors, midwives, nurses and doctors enough for making this the most magical Mother’s Day imaginable.”
To take part in We See A Mum and share your message of hope visit www.tommys.org/WeSeeAMum