09 March 2024 , 17:53
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As I watched Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne stare gormlessly at their fellow housemates from a makeshift secret lair, I audibly groaned about the state of reality television.
Celebrity Big Brother is the ridiculous boomerang show that just keeps coming back, slinking between channels like a stealth reality TV ninja. Just when you think it’s gone, here it is again on ITV1, with The X Factor veterans wheeled out to grab the Gen X vote, though they didn’t seem to know what was going on.
“Please do not swear,” yelled cackling hosts AJ Odudu and Will Best. More screeching, headache-inducing neon lights and that baying mob of jeering fans outside the house, which is decorated like a garish children’s nursery. It’s like a car crash, you just can’t look away, though you know you should. In their hideaway, Sharon whined “interesting” endlessly (it wasn’t), while Louis referred to cue cards to work out who everyone was.
Given the “need-to-Google” line-up, this was actually quite helpful. At least everyone now wears name badges. Aside from Corrie’s ‘Craig Tinker’, Strictly’s Nikita and TV presenter Fern Britton, others are just absurd characters. I refer you to self-styled cultural commentator Zeze “I’m opinionated” Millz and Ibiza Weekender holiday rep David Potts, who arrived trouser-less.
Just when you think it’s gone, here it is again on ITV1 (ITV)It’s early days and there have been some signs of life. Fern promised to walk out if Phillip Schofield went in (oh, how we’d love to see that). Love Island’s Ekin-Su did the nation’s work when she asked Kate Middleton’s Bad Uncle, Gary Goldsmith: “Where is Kate?” Sharon called James Corden a massive name-dropper and mocked Anna Wintour.
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But in an era of glossy, scripted, filtered content, how interested is the scrolling generation in this warts-and-all format? Will viewers look up from TikTok for long enough to care that Marisha Wallace is belting out a Broadway hit (I reckon that will start to grate) or that Louis is having another middle-of-the-night wee?
Back in its heyday, though it was cruel and ruthless, Big Brother was unruly, appointment viewing. Now it’s a forum for celebrities who are famous for being famous, totally used to being watched for no reason – because that is precisely what they do. For a living.
Just another day at work in a goldfish bowl, without the hassle of having to Instagram it yourself. It feels like reality television is no longer actual reality and the once iconic Big Brother is now just the embarrassing relative that keeps turning up uninvited. Can this latest reboot become a hit? It’s hard to care.