06 February 2024 , 10:26
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Wind-up merchants, s***houses, stirrers, pains in the a*** – call them what you like, the Premier League has been graced by some experts over the years.
These players sometimes have main character complexes. They like to be the centre of attention. They want to be the pantomime villain. They think their actions will give them a competitive advantage. Or they simply can’t contain their mischievous urges.
Whatever the reason, these players have given us many memorable moments. Some cause us to scream at the TV in fury. Some are lighthearted instances of fun and games. And some are downright bizarre.
So without further ado, here are the best in the business: the Premier League’s biggest wind-up merchants.
Neal Maupay
The man in form. The reigning champion. The man who proudly holds the trophy for the 2023/24 season. Maupay had gone off the radar during a barren spell at Everton – but thankfully he is back with a bang at Brentford. It’s been a real return to form for the Frenchman, whose wind-up incidents are nearly keeping pace with his goalscoring, but not quite. His record currently reads: five goals, three s***housing incidents. Still a good effort.
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The most recent saw the Brentford striker clash with Kyle Walker during Manchester City ’s 3-1 win on Monday night. It came hot on the back of a bit of fun involving James Maddison. Maupay opened the scoring against Spurs and cracked out Maddison’s darts celebration, only for it to backfire. Spurs roared back to win 3-2 and, although Maddison didn’t score, his teammates Brennan Johnson and Richarlison had his back.
Posting his darts celebration on Instagram, Maupay continued the red-hot bantz, writing: “Went a bit early with that one. Gutted we couldn’t get the win. More goals and less relegations in my career than James Maddison.” Back in October, when warming up as a substitute against Chelsea, Maupay stepped onto the pitch and kicked the ball away to stop Cole Palmer from taking a free kick. Real commitment to the art form.
Neal Maupay doing what he does best (Charlotte Wilson/Offside via Getty Images)Jamie Vardy
The man who arguably handed out the title to Maupay. The Leicester striker would rather celebrate in front of the fans of the opposition side after he scores. He feeds off hatred. He savours hate mail. There’s nothing fancy about Vardy’s wind-up style. He’s a traditionalist. Cup your ears to the away fans. Boot a corner flag. Shout in the face of the opposition goalkeeper. Take an age to come off when substituted in a victory.
Vardy is now 37 years old, but with Leicester top of the Championship, he could return for another shot at the Premier League. Don’t rule out some more s***housery in the near future.
Emiliano Martinez
Emiliano Martinez is flying the flag for wind-up merchant goalkeepers (Mike Hewitt/Getty Images)Goalkeepers can be wind-ups too. The Aston Villa shot-stopper is a true showman. He loves the spotlight and his personality is evident in how he plays and carries himself on the pitch.
Of course, Martinez’s most famous work came on the biggest stage of all, at the World Cup, where he made a scene and offended many by posing rather suggestively with his Golden Glove trophy. But he has also rattled his fair share of Premier League players and fans in his time. Goalkeepers are uniquely placed when it comes to time wasting and they also spend their time in close proximity to the fans. Martinez is a master of using those factors to his advantage.
Diego Costa
The first words that come to mind when you think of Costa? Dark arts. Costa was a fantastic player – he contributed an impressive 59 goals and 23 assists in 120 games for Chelsea – and yet, to many, he is best remembered for his other traits.
Having been schooled by Diego Simeone at Atletico Madrid, he was not shy of putting himself about, feigning injury, making sly digs against his marker and generally making a nuisance of himself. The fact he was managed by Jose Mourinho at Chelsea made it a perfect storm.
His mastery of the art is shown by the fact that he was only once sent off while playing for Chelsea, despite getting 31 yellow cards. Future wind-up merchants should study his portfolio of work.
Luis Suarez
Luis Suarez combined goals with plenty of other incidents (Alex Livesey/Getty Images)A different kind of wind-up merchant to Costa, but just as effective. Suarez didn’t have the physical presence to follow Costa’s methodology, but what he lacked in size he more than made up for in cunning.
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The Liverpool striker was an exceedingly irritating presence for all but his team. As well as being a fantastic player, he was also often up to no good. This is a man who is the owner of two of the most infamous moments in World Cup history: a bite on Georgio Chiellini at the 2014 World Cup and the handball to prevent a goal against Ghana at the 2010 World Cup.
He was banned for biting Branislav Ivanovic. He rolled around feigning injury. He celebrated in front of opposition fans. He was a dastardly supervillain.
Bruno Fernandes
The Manchester United captain is loved by the fans of his club, but very unpopular with supporters of other teams. That is partly due to his talent, but mainly due to his behaviour on the pitch.
Fernandes is constantly in the ear of the referee, complaining, cajoling, begging, whining and pleading. His screwed up face and patented hand gestures are seared into the memories of all fans. He is as gifted at playing football as he is at working the referee. The Portuguese international has taken the baton from Cristiano Ronaldo and ran with it.
Bruno Fernandes is his absolute element, doing what he does best (OLI SCARFF/AFP via Getty Images)Matteo Guendouzi
Guendouzi only made 82 appearances for Arsenal and only 57 of those came in the Premier League, across two seasons, but the fact he has left a legacy is testament to the strength of his work.
The curly-haired Frenchman’s appeal as a wind-up merchant is fairly old school, being based around fouling and aggro. Following the Roy Keane method, Guendouzi took enjoyment from bringing down opponents before getting in their face. An inflated opinion of his own talents also helped to elevate his work.
Emmanuel Adebayor
Emmanuel Adebayor celebrated in front of the Arsenal fans in September 2009 (Shaun Botterill/Getty Images)Adebayor’s appeal as a wind-up merchant stems from the fact he played for Arsenal, Manchester City and Tottenham – a trio of clubs not many can boast. The Togo striker is the proud owner of perhaps the most famous wind-up moment in Premier League history.
A man willing to sprint the length of the pitch and pull out a knee-slide in front of the fans of his old club is a man fully deserving of his place in this list.
Richarlison
Richarlison is an all-action striker capable of rattling cages left, right and centre. As Aaron Ramsdale told ESPN: “He knows how to get under peoples’ skin and sometimes it's to his advantage and sometimes it’s not. It can either bite you on the bum or work in your favour and there have been times when it’s worked in his favour, so I think he’s a wind-up merchant.”
The Tottenham striker was definitely wilder earlier in his career at Everton. He has shown signs of maturity of late, refusing to celebrate his brace at Goodison Park on the weekend, but you sense he’s still got the desire to add to his repertoire soon. Fingers crossed.
Robbie Savage
The Mirror Football columnist was a good midfielder for a sustained period of time in the Premier League, but he was also a well-known wind-up. Only six players have received more yellow cards in the history of the Premier League – and some of Savage’s 89 were picked up for some fantastic reasons.
Savage had a hardman persona, but was also not shy of a word or two to opponents when he couldn’t help himself. He was the original pantomime villain, lapping up the abuse that often came from the stands. It was all part of his appeal.