03 February 2024 , 13:05
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A woman who says her husband is very 'work-focused' was left feeling disappointed and let down over how he reacted to the death of her mother.
According to this woman, her late mother suffered from dementia, and they cared for her at home until this became too difficult. She was moved to a 'very nice care home', and, after a couple of months went by, the family was informed that she was sadly reaching the end of her life.
Knowing she was 'going downhill', the devoted daughter visited her mother at the care facility every night. Her condition worsened to the point where she could no longer walk or talk, and one day the family received a call letting them know it would be a matter of hours.
Rushing to be by her mother's side, the woman 'never left her room and only slept for half an hour at a time'. Her mother clung to life much longer than was expected, but eventually passed away after six devastating days. When the caring daughter finally got home, expecting to be looked after herself in her grief, she was stunned to return to an empty house, with her husband having 'gone to f****** work'.
Her husband runs his own business and has employees depending on him for wages. She does however feel he should have been there for her. Taking to Mumsnet, the bereaved daughter wrote: "All I wanted was to be comforted and to be frank looked after. I can't move past the fact that he went to work and thought it was okay, his best friend's mum died and my husband was in tears that he had let his friend down as he did not go to his mum's funeral but I am meant to suck it up as I know what he is like and how he can't let his workers down but he can let me down."
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Explaining that she feels as though she now 'can't move on' from this, the Mumsnet user reached out for any words of wisdom regarding her next steps, admitting that she's now considering divorce. One person wrote: "He's really let you down. I suppose what you need to do is tell him you feel let down and spell out to him what you need now - time, cuddles, kindness etc. If he then doesn't do this then I would be thinking what's the point of having a husband if they can't help."
A second person advised: "Sadly some people are just s*** at dealing with death/bereavement. I think divorce would be a huge overreaction if he's otherwise a good husband, but you can separate for any reason you wish."
Offering a different perspective, a third person commented: "My partner didn't take a day off when his mum or dad died, it's not a badge of honour or anything, just couldn't let clients down. Had a day for the funeral and back at it the following day. Different people cope in different ways. Maybe yours felt bringing in the money was the best support he could offer. Sorry you feel let down by him."
For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website