01 February 2024 , 19:32
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The People’s Party is running out of people to do the jobs. How else to explain the email from HQ? It invites me to become a trainee organiser “on the front line of Labour’s upcoming election campaign” in a constituency crucial for victory.
Exciting stuff, and I’d better get my skates on because the deadline for applying is Sunday, and training starts today. Wow! Such enthusiasm!
Obviously, I’m only one of thousands of party members asked to hasten the day when Sir Keir Starmer becomes Prime Minister. But I do wonder if party officials think before sending out such scattergun appeals. Do they really expect an ailing octogenarian to “lead the charge” for polling day?
Anyway, I don’t need much training in politics. I was knocking on doors for Labour when Sir Keir was scarcely out of nappies. What’s more, I don’t fancy defending Labour’s latest policy pledge on the doorstep. Shadow Chancellor Rachel Reeves promises not to reinstate the cap on bankers’ bonuses lifted by the Tories last year.
I know Labour is on a charm offensive with high finance. So why don’t we split duties? She can do the charm, and I’ll do the offensive.
Teachers, civil servants and train drivers walk out in biggest strike in decade
Her cosying up to the bankers came on the day that HSBC was fined £57million by the Bank of England for failing to protect the money of depositors.
This is the bank that made profits of £17billion in just six months last year, and paid £3.4billion in bonuses to “top performers” in 2022. They also closed my local branch last year, along with 113 others.
I recognise the huge importance of the finance sector in providing employment, investment and global prestige. But I don’t think we need to kowtow quite so low to these overpaid, self-styled masters of the universe.
Looks like I won’t pass the exam to be a trainee organiser.