19 January 2024 , 09:44
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A mum who endured hell at the hands of a monster is bravely revealing her ordeal to encourage more women to find out if new partners pose a threat.
Alexis Flavin was unaware of Clare's Law, created to allow people to check if someone has an abusive past. If she had, Alexis would have been spared the terror she suffered at the hands of Jonathan Cole, which included trying to strangle her as she held their baby.
Serial abuser Cole made his pregnant girlfriend’s life hell, ripping up their scan picture, forcing her to give birth alone and banning her from breastfeeding. Alexis was also not allowed to join baby groups. When he tried to throttle her as she lay in bed with their infant daughter, she realised her life was in danger and she went to the police. Cole was jailed and now Alexis, 39, has spoken out for the first time of her horrific ordeal, in a bid to warn other women.
The mum of four from Penarth, South Wales, says: “I had my baby on my chest as he was strangling me, and I knew I had to keep her safe. It was terrifying. I felt so vulnerable, as a new mum, going through the court case and seeing my baby’s dad jailed. But it was the right thing to do."
Serial abuser Jonathan Cole has been jailed (FOCUS FEATURES)
Alexis shows the marks on her neck (FOCUS FEATURES)Alexis now realises she had unwittingly fallen into the clutches of a serial abuser - another reason why she wants to promote Clare's Law, knowing there was chance she could have been spared her ordeal. She said: "I know now he bullied me to the point where I had no confidence and I accepted everything he did to me. I am worth more than that and he is where he belongs – behind bars. It’s so important, when you welcome a new partner into your family, to do the necessary checks. If I’d known about Clare’s Law, I would have found about his past.”
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Alexis met Cole in 2019 through family members. She was unaware he had previously served time for assaulting another woman. She says: “We were just friends, on and off, but in 2020 we decided to start dating officially. He was really lovely, helping out with my kids and doing stuff around the house. He was so thoughtful, he’d leave me little love notes around the house and make me a coffee each morning. I took the kids away for a few days and he decorated their bedrooms whilst were gone.”
As time went on, Cole became aggressive and controlling. Alexis says: “He didn’t like me having male friends, even though it was purely platonic. He slowly isolated me from all my family – I couldn’t even speak to my teenage daughter without him complaining.”
In 2021, Cole proposed, and two weeks on, Alexis found out she was pregnant. She says: “I had doubts about him but when I fell pregnant, I was determined to give it my best shot, for the sake of the baby. We went to the scan together and he was crying with happiness. Afterwards, he flew into a rage, shouting that he didn’t want a baby and he ripped up the scan photo. My entire pregnancy was ruined, he’d blow hot and cold, one minute he was loving, the next he’d become hostile.
Alexis said she had "doubts" about Cole (FOCUS FEATURES)
Cole forced his partner to give birth alone (FOCUS FEATURES)“My pregnancy was high risk, because I’d had previous miscarriages, and I just wanted him to support me and be a dad to our baby.” Cole refused to support Alexis during her labour in January 2023, and insisted she should give birth alone. Eventually, the midwife rang a couple of my friends, and they came to the hospital. But I went through most of my labour alone.”
After the birth of their daughter, Alexis ended the relationship, but encouraged Cole to see his daughter. She says: “I’d finally accepted there was no way forwards for us, but I still wanted my little girl to have a daddy. I agreed he could come to the house to see her. He was still very controlling; he didn’t let me breastfeed because he was jealous. It was crazy but at the time, he had got into my head and I just went along with everything. I wasn’t allowed to attend any baby groups in case I met a man there.”
In June last year, Alexis agreed Cole could sleep on the sofa and she went upstairs with their daughter. But at 5.30am, when Cole was woken by the baby monitor, he flew into a rage. Alexis says: “I had the baby on my chest, and he lunged at me, his hands round my throat. I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t breathe. I thought he was going to kill me. I was terrified of moving because I knew I had to keep my baby safe. She was looking up at me, and I knew I had to get out of it alive, for her sake.”
Cole ripped up Alexis' pregnancy scan photo (FOCUS FEATURES)
Alexis with Jonathan (FOCUS FEATURES)When Cole released her throat, Alexis pretended to call the police and he panicked and ran from the house. She says: “He was arrested soon after, and I was treated by paramedics. My neck swelled and I couldn’t swallow properly. My ears were ringing, and I was very dizzy. I had to wear a hoodie to hide my injuries from the kids.”
Last month, Cole was sentenced at Cardiff Crown Court for intentional strangulation. The court was told Cole had 14 previous convictions for 16 offences. This was his third time in front of the courts for violence against a partner.
Kevin Seal, on behalf of Cole, said the defendant accepts responsibility for his part in the incident, as well as the breakdown of the relationship. He added how the defendant had sought help for his actions since he had been in custody. He also described the strangulation incident as “short-lived” and asked Judge Jeremy Jenkins to consider giving Cole a suspended sentence.
However, Judge Jenkins rejected this and said it was “too serious” an offence for a suspended sentence. He referred to pictures of Alexis’ neck following the attack and called her injuries “very nasty”. Addressing Cole, who appeared via video link from custody, Judge Jenkins described his attack as the “ultimate act of cowardice”. He sentenced Cole to 19 months imprisonment and issued a restraining order preventing him from contacting Alexis for the next five years.
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Cole made his partner's life "hell" (FOCUS FEATURES)
His 'loving' gestures were a screen for his brutality (FOCUS FEATURES)Alexis says: “ I’m not stupid or naïve, but a part of me was very vulnerable during the relationship. I felt isolated and alone and I thought he loved me. It’s the love bombing, the gaslighting, the manipulation, the hot and cold. I kept thinking he would change for the sake of our baby but now I know he will never change at all. I’d urge all women to use Clare’s Law to check on a new partner.”
The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme(DVDS), also known as “Clare's Law” enables the police to disclose information to a victim or potential victim of domestic abuse about their partner's or ex-partner's previous abusive or violent offending. It is named after Clare Wood who was murdered by her ex-boyfriend George Appleton in 2009. During the investigation in to the murder, her family found that Appleton had a history of violence against women, including repeated harassment, threats and the kidnapping at knifepoint of an ex-girlfriend.
To use Clare's Law, you can apply for a disclosure request by visiting a police station, phoning 101 or contacting your local police via email. Most police forces also have an online application process available through their websites.
Alexis has also received support from SUTDA – Stand Up To Domestic Violence.