11 December 2023 , 13:35
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While most people move out of their parents' house in their mid-20s, others have to stay at home well into their 30s because they can't afford their own place. It prompted a woman to ask Reddit whether dating a man who lives with his parents in his 30s is worth her time - or whether she should 'run away' while she still can.
She said: " "[He has an] OK job, and no other red flags - [but is] being in your 30s and not being moved out a red flag and deal-breaker?” Despite keeping his reasons for living at home private, she was inundated with responses from users, who argued for and against living with your parents in your 30s.
In response, one said: “It is not an automatic red flag. He could be living with his parents because housing cost is high in the area, and he’s saving money to buy himself a house.” Another agreed: “In this economy, I don't know any young single person living alone. Living with your parents makes sense now. unfortunately many don't have a choice. As long as they have a job etc, and aren't a bum it's not a red flag.”
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One more was all for it, “Not in this market. The real red flag you're looking for is a lack of intent, a lack of conviction to change or improve their situation. Ie, no job, no intention of finding one, no hobbies or interests, no desire to move out, etc.
London flat for rent for £1,400 a month with bed tucked away in kitchen cupboard
In fact, an argument could be made that this is a green flag, he's recognized his best option is to stay at home to save costs in a trying time, rather than push through with his 'programming' and cause more harm to his situation just so he could say he lives alone, even though it's likely unsustainable.”
Yet some others disagreed and said it was a deal-breaker, “As a 23-year-old living on her own for years, I would not date a guy in his 30s who lives with his parents still. Or even a guy my own age who lives with his parents still.
Why? Because I did it before and it ends up that they get clingy and want to move out to your place to get out of their parent's house and then you become their housemaid and personal chef and they expect you to basically fill the role of their parents.
I want a guy who has equally matched me in independence and knowing how to function as their own responsible separate adult and who has learned how to take care of themselves.”
Another person agreed with this, “Major red flag. It used to be called being a complete f-ing loser. Just move out and you're ok. It’s totally fine to get a roommate or two and scrape by if needed until you get your feet on the ground. There’s no shame in doing this. You’ll get established faster and be independent.”
Another woman agreed it would be a deal breaker for them, “I’m independent and want someone who’s the same. I’m ambitious and determined. I want someone who's the same.
As an adult, leaving the nest… that’s an experience I need to connect with my partner. I’m just 23 and a lot of guys my age live with their parents. There’s a disconnect. Plus it’s always awkward to visit, awkward because I can’t imagine someone not craving independence. A trait all my ex’s sought out and most men want. I took a risk leaving the nest, that really changes you. Unless your parents are sick I totally understand.”