14 November 2023 , 19:00
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Made In Chelsea star Ashely James has admitted she felt "broken" when she experienced incontinence following the traumatic birth of her first child.
The DJ revealed she first experienced the health issue when she was 23, but didn't tell her friends or family for a decade due to feeling embarrassed and ashamed. After recurring kidney infections, the reality TV star had an operation to enlarge her urethra. Ashley continued to seek medical help and following the birth of her son Alfie, she dealt with incontinence, prolapse and piles.
She decided it was finally time to open up on what she had been experiencing, as she found with pregnancy she got "a pass" to talk about it. Ashley told The Mirror: "I think because with childbirth you sort of expect to experience incontinence a little bit more. Incontinence was seen as this big scary thing that was inevitable to you."
Ashley wants to help end bladder shame (Tena)
The TV star shares her two children with Tommy Andrews (Instagram)Ashley, who has teamed up with TENA to help end bladder shame, added: "I became frustrated by this bounce back culture narrative. Childbirth recovery is whether or not you 'snap back' and look like how you did before you had a baby. Lots of people don't know the other side of it and that can lead new mums feeling really scared or embarrassed and ashamed and feeling like there is something wrong with them."
The former Big Brother star "lost faith" in her body during lockdown. Ashley welcomed her first child in January 2021 with boyfriend Tom Andrews, but the new mum felt "angry" during her walks around her local park. She shared: "Most times without fail, I would experience incontinence and it was a time where all the public loos were closed.
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"There were also lots of paparazzi around the park and it just really knocked my confidence. I felt really embarrassed, thinking 'is my body broken?' You worry about leaving the house thinking, 'am I going to be in this embarrassing situation?' It can rob you of your confidence and your emotional wellbeing and your ability to trust your body. I think that made me particularly angry."
Ashley explained it was "almost as if when the baby is out you suffer in silence". She also addressed "the stigma attached around the recovery process", as women feel pressured to return to how they looked before pregnancy. Ashley said: "Women are left wondering if their body looks good rather than if it functions well or not. I remember occasions of being totally hopeless and losing faith with my body. I was also terrified that was my life now and something I had to live with."
The 36-year-old found the more she spoke about incontinence, the more she realised how common it is. Ashley admitted: "With pregnancy it was actually easier to deal with and I feel like you get a bit more of a pass. It is more when you don't have a baby or after you've had a baby.
"I think in this country we are very good at looking after people in pregnancy but we are not so good looking after people postnatally. I think a lot of the old wives tales of incontinence being something you have to suffer with don't help anyone."
Ashley got medical help through a pelvic-health physiotherapist where she learnt pelvic-floor exercises. She recovered from prolapse – where one or more of the organs in the pelvis slip down from their normal position and bulge into the vagina – and her incontinence improved.
The TV star welcomed her second child, daughter Ada Isabella Blue Andrews earlier this year. She has opened up on how her two labours differed, saying her vaginal birth with Alfie was a "really traumatic experience". Due to the pandemic, she had to be alone in her hospital room for most of the time. She explained: "Alf was a really big baby and I was denied any pain relief.
"I had a lot of anxiety too because it was during lockdown and partners weren’t allowed in the room until you were in active labour, so I had a huge fear of doing most of it on my own," she told OK!. Ashley shared how she was also stitched up incorrectly, which made her recovery longer. Despite her difficulties with her first birth, Ashley said her elective C-section for her second child was "amazing".
To learn more about TENA or the mission to end bladder shame visit: https://www.tena.co.uk/