'My partner's brother eloped without a word - I refuse to pay for fake wedding'
A woman has slammed a family member for eloping before their wedding day - but not everyone agrees with her anger. Posting to a forum online, the woman explained that she is gearing up for her partner's brother's wedding next year. Her boyfriend is the best man so according to her, he's been stressing about planning the stag do and being gone during critical events at work. She isn't a part of the wedding party so all she's had to worry about is what to wear and had originally planned to splash out on a dress.
Her opinion drastically changed though when she found out that the couple eloped and had a courthouse wedding last month. They couldn't wait to get married and did so in the town they met. That being said, they're still going to hold the large wedding next year and invite hundreds of people, many of whom would travel from out of town.
She explained on the popular AITA (Am I the A**hole) thread on Reddit: "They're keeping it secret that they're already hitched. The first thing out of my mouth when my boyfriend told me was that I thought that was kind of f**ed up. He asked me what I meant, so I said that I feel like it was sh***y to hide that information from people. Some might not want to travel or pay as much money for a wedding that isn't an actual wedding."
Her boyfriend became angry in response, telling her he had been excited for his brother's big day. While the woman is aware she's burst her partner's bubble, she questions whether she's in the wrong. She added: "I'm of course still excited about the party and supportive of the relationship, but even I don't want to spend the money I would have because it doesn't feel the same to me. My expenses would be a fraction of what people would spend just to travel here and I feel like you're taking away that choice from people by hiding your marital status."
There was a heated debate in the comments and while most people said she was NTA (not the a**hole), the comments with the most upvotes were the ones saying YTA (you're the a**hole). "I think I have to go with YTA here. To me, this is all about mindset, and I think you chose a poor one, especially considering who you were talking to," one person wrote. "YTA. That IS an actual wedding. I don't know where you live, but where I am from it is VERY common to have courthouse and ceremony/reception on different dates (yes, even sometimes a year apart). Just because you haven't been front row, doesn't mean the two do not deserve a day of celebrating their love," said another. A third added: "It's still a ceremony, still a chance for people to celebrate and catch up with everyone they may not have seen in ages. It's still exciting and it’s still a wedding."
'I'm spending £20k on a new bathroom - but won't help my brother out with cash'
Not everyone agreed with these points of view though, as some didn't approve of the fact that the couple are keeping it a secret that they're already married. "None of the people calling you the a**hole have said anything about the hiding it part, which is really what it sounds like you had a problem with. The lying is really the issue," one person observed. "It's rude to let people believe it's a wedding when it's not. They're already married. Have the reception, whatever. But it's not a wedding," another wrote, and someone else added: "NTA - While perfectly acceptable to stage a full wedding after they're already eloped, it absolutely should be disclosed to guests."
All of this being said, people's comments helped the original poster think more about their own biases. In the end, she made the decision to apologise. She edited her post with an update, writing: "It didn't take much for me to realise that I had a bias due to my own family's traditions, and it wasn't fair for me to impose those on anyone else. Regardless of the final vote here, I'll be apologising for being insensitive. Thank you to those of you who have helped me with their input."
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