'My fiancée doesn't want to have sex - I need to break up with her'
Everyone is different when it comes to sexual preferences - what you like, what you don’t like, how often you want it, and most importantly, when you’re ready to do it. One thing is for certain, however, and that is consent and communication are key to discovering these things and ensuring that you and your partner are compatible - both in the bedroom and outside.
And discovering that your other half isn’t interested in sex just before you got married could be a real issue, which is the situation one man has found himself in. Taking to Reddit to share his problem, the 30-year-old man wrote: “So my fiancé and I have been engaged for almost a year now and she wants to get married next year. We have been together for almost five years. To preface, she is very religious and I knew going into this we wouldn’t have sex before marriage.
“I asked her one night if she was excited when we get married to have sex finally and she responded she might not be mentally ready yet. I was taken aback a little because I wanted this night to be memorable and a night where we could feel the closest and most intimate with each other.
“She claims that I’m only in the relationship for sex. She wants someone who wants to be with her for her, not sex. And was getting mad that I was holding our marriage hostage because of sex. Am I the a**hole for not wanting to get married until she is ready to have sex or if I decide to break the engagement? I am starting to fear it may be an incompatibility issue. It breaks my heart because I love her and can’t imagine not being with her. But I also don’t want to resent her if we are incompatible and we don’t have a sex life.”
The controversial post blew up with many people horrified at the situation. One person wrote: “Not the a**hole. The fact that she thinks that you’re only in the relationship for sex speaks volumes. I wouldn’t marry anyone until I learned if we were sexually compatible. She could be asexual and you’ll never be happy.”
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Another person reasoned: “She’s not telling the whole truth here. She might either have some major blockages in regards to being intimate with someone or she’s asexual. I waited till marriage while dating, but if you asked me during that time if I was excited about having sex I would have yelled YES. I desired sex, I know it was a good thing, and I looked forward to it. If your fiancé is not excited about it, she’s got major issues she’s got to work out before you guys get married.”
And someone else added: “You’re not the a**hole. It gets dicey when you have to voice sexual needs as a man to a woman - it can be hard not to express things in a way that seems entitled or overly focused on sex. But c'mon, my dude, this is way past that point. You've been together for years and offered her a ring. What else could any person do to show they're not trying to hit it and quit it?”
The 30-year-old man later responded to all the comments writing that he now realised he was being selfish and inconsiderate by expecting sex on their wedding day. He also added that he should respect that she could have trauma related to her religion and that he was going to try and speak to her about having therapy again before he called off the engagement.
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