14 February 2023 , 12:00
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It's Valentine's Day today and romance is in the air for some. But for others, the day when love-struck couples celebrate their bond will bring back memories of heated arguments, tearful fights, and the breakdown of relationships.
Keeping two people happy can be a challenge at the best of times and arguments are inevitable, but it turns out we might be making it harder on ourselves by not discussing what we're really arguing about.
Hypnotist of the stars Paul McKenna recently spoke to the Mirror and explained why couples argue, and shared his top tips on how to resolve conflict in relationships.
The scientist, TV broadcaster, and author said that he can cure almost everyone - and he can count on one hand the number of people who he hasn't been able to help in his decades-long career.
Paul said that when people in relationships argue, they are usually talking about something else (Ken McKay/ITV/REX/Shutterstock)What do you think about Paul's advice? Let us know in the comments...
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Paul said: "There are lots of things that we do all day long that are habits, about 40 per cent of what we do - you don't think, 'shall I brush my teeth', you just go do it, someone puts their hand out and you just shake hands.
"Generally what tends to happen in conflict is one person says to the other something and the other takes it personally and makes it a personal attack.
"So one says, 'I'd like to go abroad on holiday this year' and the other person goes, 'well I don't want to do that', and they go, 'why are you so negative', 'I'm not negative', 'yes you are', and it spirals off.
"Their reason for not wanting to go abroad might be they don't like foreign food, or they don't like to travel, it could be anything.
Paul said that hypnotherapy was a great way to get out of these arguments (Getty Images)
He said it helps take the heat out of the situation (GC Images)"You can see how one little personal thing spirals into another and often people have got like a checklist, they've remembered every little thing you've ever done.
"People move from a position of an unmet need - that's at the heart of all conflict resolution - you have an unmet need and you move to a personal attack very quickly, and as soon as they feel attacked they return, and it turns into a spiral situation.
"There are people who specialise in relationships, and there's a whole kind of scientific approach to relationship therapy, particularly conflict resolution, and this works incredibly well.
"This could be in relationships like a romantic relationship or a family relationship, but it can be within a corporation, or it can be factions of tribes that are warring etc.
"Conflict resolution firstly is really quite sophisticated these days, we have great success with people that are in conflict, and it's usually about getting them to see things from the other person's point of view, and you're taking the temperature out of it.
"I can count on one hand the people in the last 25 years that I haven't been able to cure."
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