Castleford's Liam Watts worries his disciplinary issues could forever overshadow his achievements - but still fears being unable to change.
The towering prop, 32, has more reason than most to get fired into the new Betfred Super League season.
He missed TEN of Castleford’s games last term after picking up six different bans.
Watts was often suspended for late hits which rugby league is understandably cracking down on given the current concussion debate.
But rules have changed this year with fines going up and the length of suspensions being reduced.
Gay rugby league referee lifts lid on how coming out affected officiating careerWatts said: “Clubs have asked for it and done it because they’ve too many high-profile players sitting out with bans and I agree with that.
“They (RFL) are hitting players in the pocket rather than banning them as long.
“But I’m not sure how it will pan out and there has to be some leeway with some of the stuff being thrown around.
“I know the concussion side of things has left people nervous but some of the contact I was getting done for left me wondering what was happening.
“If I’d been in this situation last year, I’d have been happy to pay a £250 fine.
“But when you think I got ten games of bans, I could be more than two thousand pounds down when some of the stuff I did wouldn’t even warrant a £250 fine.
“I’m not sure what’s going to happen with me. I’m either going to have a good clean year - or it’ll spiral out of control again.”
But Watts knows he has to get his act together or the two-time Challenge Cup winner will ruin his legacy as one of Super League’s leading front-rows.
“This could be my last year playing for Cas or playing in Super League,” he said, ahead of Sunday’s opener at former club Hull FC.
“Whatever happens, happens but I don’t want my career to be remembered for picking up bans and overshadowing what I've done in the game.
Premier League's £734m transfer window compared to Europe's other top leagues“That’s hitting me hard at the minute. I don’t want to be known for just getting sent-off.
“I read things on social media and see people saying ‘he’s done it again.’
“I don’t shy away from it. And I think it did have an effect on my playing last season.
“This year I’m just completely focusing on myself. For me to play well, I need to do that.”
Watts conceded he’s struggled adapting his tackle technique - “I’ve not been able to change as soon as I’d like” - but said: “It’s my last year of contract at Castleford.
“I need to start well. I'm looking forward to it and seeing what we can do, especially with the signings we’ve made."