25 February 2024 , 18:02
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Dear Coleen
I’m a happily married woman in my 30s, but I did something awful and embarrassing at a colleague’s leaving do recently and could really do with your advice. In a nutshell, I got horribly drunk and ended up snogging my manager in full view of the rest of our colleagues. He seemed surprised but happy to go along with it.
We’ve always got on well, but I’ve never thought of him in a sexual way or even found him attractive. He’s not my type at all, plus I value my job. Needless to say, I woke up the morning after cringing and calling all my work friends, asking them if they’d seen the snog and how bad it looked.
If I’m being honest, I’ve done this sort of thing in the past – had too much to drink and got off with a random guy, but that was before I was married. I feel so guilty now and I’m also worried that my husband will find out somehow. I really can’t explain why I behave like this. I wish I knew.
I’ve been into work since and had an awkward conversation with my manager. I told him it was stupid, I’m married (obviously) and that I hoped we could just be normal with each other at work. He seemed a bit downhearted, but he’s single so it makes no odds to him, though the stakes are high for me. Help!
Coleen says
OK, you say you’re happily married, but I don’t know a lot of happily married people who go out and kiss other people, even when they’ve had too much to drink. It’s easy to blame the booze, but while alcohol may help you lose your inhibitions, my feeling is there’s probably an underlying issue that you’re not admitting to yourself.
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You could have got drunk and danced on a table or embarrassed yourself in some other way but, instead, you made a beeline for your boss and snogged him. So, maybe you need to ask how healthy your marriage is, and be honest. Maybe it’s a wake-up call that you need to have a conversation with your husband about what’s missing in the relationship.
It doesn’t have to be the end of the world either, but on the next night out, remember how horrible you feel now and don’t overdo the booze. Create some boundaries for yourself and, if that means offering to drive, so you can’t drink, having a curfew or asking a mate to keep tabs on how much you’re drinking, then do it.
I don’t know how your husband will react if he finds out, but I’m guessing it’ll be hard for him to trust you. However, only you can decide whether to spill the beans.